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Break ups, stalkers, and cheats

Dear Carla: I am in a relationship with someone who I really adore. She is all of the things that I want in a woman but there is one thing about her that bothers me. She is very insecure. She always wants to know who I talked to during the day, if I speak to a female she demands to know where I know her from, she checks my Facebook profile to see who likes my pictures. It is really turning me off. I try to tell her that she has nothing to worry about because my loyalty lies with her but to no avail. I love everything about her but this. I don’t know what to do or how much more of this I can take.


Dear Stalked: Let’s stop for a minute and give her the benefit of the doubt. Is she insecure or has she had a prior bad experience which is what is driving her behaviour? Most people do things based on something that they have been through before. Have you spoken to her about this? If you haven’t I suggest you do. It might shed some light on things. But let me ask you … are you doing something to cause her to act this way? Are you attentive in the relationship? Are you overly friendly with females? Maybe you need to take a look at where you may be contributing to this, on purpose or not.

Dear Carla: I broke up with my ex six months ago. I fell out of love with him. He did not want the break-up. Since then he has not stopped contacting me. He regularly sends me messages telling me that he misses me and can’t stop thinking about me. I am done with him and told him so. I don’t want to seem rude but how do I tell him that he needs to leave me alone and move on?

Let Me Go

Dear Let Me Go: How about blocking him from contacting you? Seems pretty simple to me. He’ll get the message then.

Dear Carla: I am heartbroken. I have been with my husband for over 20 years and he has always treated me like dirt. He has cheated on me on numerous occasions. Whenever I find out her begs forgiveness and promises me that he will never do it again. I have foolishly believed him. He is good for a while but then he somehow ends up in yet another woman’s arms. While I would prefer he stop cheating altogether, it would somehow seem easier if it was the same woman he keeps getting caught with but it’s always someone different. I am an emotional wreck although I smile and act like everything is all right on the outside. I’m sure our son knows what his father is doing to me but I do my best to protect him from this insanity. I feel so unworthy and want to die. If it wasn’t for my son I think I would have taken the easy way out by now. My husband seems to have no remorse about his actions. I’ve even had at least two of his women call me laughing about how they enjoy him. Leaving is not an option because I am a woman of God and cannot financially survive without him.


Dear Stuck: You really need to wake up! This man does not care about you. He is using you because you are always waiting for him no matter where he has been. While I understand that you are trying to hold on to your marriage, it is quite clear that he does not hold the union in the same regard. Your husband is a jerk … plain and simple. You can’t change his actions but you can empower yourself. First and foremost you need to seek professional help. It sounds like you almost need to be deprogrammed because any person who thinks they need to put up with this nonsense is not in their right state of mind. He has broken you so badly that it sounds like you feel his behaviour is acceptable. And your reasoning for not leaving is insane. You can, you just choose not to. Twenty years is a long time and I’m in no way saying it will be easy but you can do it. There are several agencies on the Island that can help you but you have to want it. But the question is … DO YOU? You didn’t say how old your son is but what do you think you are showing him by remaining with his father? That this is how a woman would be treated? That his mother is not worthy? Be careful with that one. In fact, he should receive counselling as well. Good luck to you.

Dear Carla: I am a single woman. I threw myself a birthday party and it was fantastic but one of my guests (married to a family member) took it upon themselves to call the restaurant about a concern that they had and inadvertently changed my menu (that I planned and paid a portion for so that my guests wouldn’t have to pay too much out of pocket).

Now here is my issue. While confronting the person, just to let them know that their actions hurt my feelings and that I would appreciate it that in the future if I am planning another event that they contact me. I tried to give an example that if they were planning something like a wedding or whatever, that they wouldn’t have appreciate it if I contacted their caterer and changed their menu — their response was Oh, that would be different ...” twice they made this remark as they gave me some back hand apology — for IF they hurt my feelings.

Now my thing is this ... Just because I’m single and have no children is my or any other single person’s events less important?

How RudeDear How Rude: The answer is simple … no they are not and the person was way out of line.

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Published June 24, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated June 23, 2013 at 3:20 pm)

Break ups, stalkers, and cheats

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