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Our cheap friend is killing vibe on nights out

Dear Carla: My girlfriend has a small child. The father of the child is involved in the child's life although he and my girlfriend do not always get along. She and I are very happy together but I have a problem where she and her ex are involved. She told me that he wants to get back together for the sake of their child. She says that she does not want that.

But yet she allows him to come over to house to “spend time” with their child whenever he pleases. My problem with that is that it is mostly nights when he claims he wants to put the child to sleep. This has been as late as 10 o'clock at night in some cases.

When I told her that she is being naive about what his real intentions are she gets mad and calls me jealous. I'm not. I'm a guy and I know what I'm talking about.

I think there should be boundaries to their relationship, especially since she says she doesn't want to be with him. I have a child too and I respect my ex's relationship enough to know what are decent visiting hours.

This is really becoming a sore spot for me but I don't want to push it because I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to come between her child and the father. But I feel disrespected when she encourages these late night visits. — IRRITATED

Dear Irritated: I agree with you 100 percent. Your girlfriend is disrespecting you. Unless there is a special circumstance I see no reason why her child's father should be at her house. While it is important to co-parent, I think sometimes exes use their children to hold on to each other although they may say otherwise. I would suggest you talk to her again and tell her how you feel and what your concerns are. If she is not willing to find a healthy balance between your relationship and his interaction with child at decent hours at her home then perhaps she should explore getting back with him so they can once again be a family. Be prepared for whatever her decision may be — you may not like it.

Dear Carla: Every time I turn around one of my girls are telling me that they are leaving Bermuda for a new life in the UK. While most seem to have a plan, some in my opinion are just doing it because everyone is. I am educated and would love a new beginning, but I'm terrified of having to start life all over again.

Yet on the other hand I am finding it harder and harder to support my family with the cost of everything being so sky high. What's the best way of me finding out if this would be the right thing for me to do? — THINKING

Dear Thinking: I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for you. Only YOU will know via your experience. But you pointed out something that I think is extremely critical. You have to have a plan. Research, research, research. Ask questions, check out areas on the web, read UK newspapers in order for you to get a feel for what an area may be like. It would be great if you could even visit prior to taking a decision so you can see firsthand what you make like or dislike. Good luck.

Dear Carla: I have a friend who I love to death but hate going places with her because she is so cheap. When me and my other friends go out to dinner no one makes a fuss about the bill. We just split it evenly and call it a day. Whenever she joins us, a problem with the bill is always pointed out by her. And it's embarrassing to the point that I try not to tell her when I'm going out to dinner but then if she finds out she's insulted. I've told her why we don't like inviting her. She says she's gonna stop, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I really don't want to hurt her feelings but she kills the vibe by nickelling and diming. It's not an issue of being able to afford it because she has a very good job. How do I get this behaviour to stop? — FED UP

Dear Fed Up: Most restaurants split checks anyway so to me the easy solution would be to ask for her meal to be separate from the rest of the table's then she has no one to gripe with but herself.

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Published September 24, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated September 24, 2013 at 9:22 am)

Our cheap friend is killing vibe on nights out

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