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I’ve forgiven girlfriend’s affair, but she doesn’t trust me

Dear Carla,

I never thought I would find myself writing to you but I am so irritated I don't know what to do. My girlfriend of three years cheated on me. It took me by surprise because I thought we had a good thing. Guess I was wrong. When I found out she was cheating I was going to leave but I had to be honest with myself and admit that I loved her. We decided to work it out. Although sometimes we have our times when we don't get along it has been good. But check this. Now she don't trust me! Every time she can't reach me she thinks I'm with another woman. I am not understanding this because I have never been with another female while I've been with her and do not intend to. I think it's her guilt. How do I get her to see that I am not doing anything or want to because her behaviour is turning me off.

FORGIVEN

Dear Forgiven, there is nothing you can do until she forgives herself. In my opinion, it's her guilt for what she has done is why she is acting the way she is. She may feel that she is not deserving of your forgiveness and is struggling with it. If you want to be with her, give her time. Assure her that everything is okay and how her behaviour is causing you to feel. If it persists then there's more to her actions than what she's letting on and I would venture to say that maybe she is cheating again.

Dear Carla,

I understand that we are living in a technological world but why is it that all people seem to do is text their feelings to and about each other instead of face to face. I think texting is fine for a quick message but when it comes to serious and real matters I don't see how people refuse to communicate the traditional way. I think it's a time and a place for everything but this seems to be getting out of hand.

OLD FASHIONED

Dear Old Fashioned, I have to be honest. Sometimes hashing things out via text or instant messaging is easier than talking. I think it gives people the opportunity to hear one another without being interrupted or misinterpreted. On the other hand I do believe that there are some issues that have to be discussed personally, whether in person or on the phone. Finding a balance between the two seems most feasible. If a situation arise for you where you find yourself texting and you'd prefer to talk, tell the person that you will not continue using that mode of communication. Then pick up the phone and call them or meet the personally.

Dear Carla,

My boyfriend and I have had a bad relationship from time to time. My best friend has been there for me every step of the way. The last time we had a bad breakup I vowed that I was never going back. However, after a while we got back together. So my best friend has a problem. She still speaks to me, but quite limited. And when she does, she asks me if we are still together. When I tell her yes, she hangs up on me. Last time she told me that we will never be friends like the way we used to be as long as I stay with him.

I think this is so unfair. And childish. We haven't spoken in two weeks. I miss her but I am not willing to leave my boyfriend for her. I feel like I'm being manipulated by her.

BEST FRIEND

NEEDED

Dear Best Friend,

Hate to tell you this but she isn't a true friend because no friend would put another in such a position. A real friend sticks by your side through thick and thin regardless of what you do. While she doesn't have to support your relationship the least she can do is respect it. Unless you've done so already, do not tell your boyfriend the ultimatum she's given you because that will add tension to the situation and only cause you more stress. And since you and he are working on a new beginning the last thing you need is any further distraction.

Dear Carla,

For as long as I can remember, I've enjoyed not wearing clothes. I live with my husband and son (he's 10) and they both know that this is who I am. While I do not walk around naked much in public areas of the house I am always naked in my bedroom. One day I'm talking to a group of friends and the subject came up about what to do and don't do around children. Being naked was one of them. I told those who felt it was wrong in some way that there is nothing disgusting about nudity and walking around like that is simply a way of life. One of my friends loudly proclaimed that I was disgusting and a freak and that I was abusing my son if I allowed him to see me without clothes on. I was offended and told her so. Do you think I am wrong for how I live?

NO CLOTHES

Dear No Clothes,

It is not for me to judge what goes on in the privacy of your home. If your husband and son have no problem with it it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks. However, you are ensuring that your son does not have a skewered perception about female bodies? He may seem okay now but what about when he's a little older. Just something for you to think about.

If you have a question for Carla, e-mail her at carla@royalgazette.com

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Published September 30, 2013 at 10:33 am (Updated September 30, 2013 at 10:33 am)

I’ve forgiven girlfriend’s affair, but she doesn’t trust me

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