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No sex please, I’m not ready

Dear Carla: Life is getting harder and harder for me to survive so I really want to move to England. I don't want to go to live off the system; I want to go to school and better myself and create better opportunities for my daughter. I have been in a relationship with a man for two years. We have a good thing but I may have to let it go. He doesn't want to come with me because he has children here. I respect that but told him that I still plan on leaving in another year. He says if I am really going we may as well break up because it makes no sense being in a relationship with me since I will be gone eventually. That doesn't make any sense to me. I think we should continue to be together and see what happens when the time comes. What do you think? – LEAVING

Dear Leaving: Have you stopped to think that maybe your boyfriend is trying to lessen his heartbreak? Perhaps your revelation came as a shock to him and he's just speaking from an emotional perspective. I kind of see where he is coming from although to you a year might seem like a long way away. Give him some time to process everything. But continue to tell him what he means to you. But you have some decisions to take as well. If he's not going with you I think you need to accept that your relationship could very well be over. If you are serious about creating opportunities for yourself in another country then the future between the two of you seems very clear. It will end. Sorry to be so blunt.

Dear Carla: I am in middle school and some of my friends are starting to have sex. They tell me about it and try to get me to do it with boys but I don't want to. They call me names and tease me. I'm the only one out of my friends not having sex. I don't want to tell my parents because they would not allow me to be friends with them. I just wish my friends would leave me alone. – NO SEX

Dear No Sex: Kudos to you for not giving in to peer pressure. You are doing a wise thing. At your age, I do not think you are mature enough to handle consequences of sex. I know sometimes it may seeming you are the odd one out, it's important that you understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Good job!

Dear Carla: My ex and I have shared custody of our son but our parenting styles are totally different. I am very strict and he isn't. He said he feels guilty when disciplining our son and doesn't want to seem like the bad guy. I think he's crazy. I am very strict but I also show lots of love and see nothing wrong with it. I think what he's doing is going to ruin out son in the long run not to mention it I think consistency is important. I don't expect either of us to parent exactly like the other but I think we need to meet somewhere in the middle. The question is how? – BAD MAMA

Dear Bad Mama: Firstly you are not bad. Sometimes it's hard to get others to see each other's perspective without contention. If you guys can't sit down together is there a third party who can sit with you in order it you guys to communicate better? Sometimes that third voice makes a world of difference. Since you both want what's best for your child it would be prudent to do so.

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Published October 07, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated October 06, 2013 at 8:29 pm)

No sex please, I’m not ready

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