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I’m ready to give up on love and just be content

Crushing Christmas: the festive period can accentuate any feelings of loneliness

Nekia Walker

Dear Dr Nekia,

I’m tired of being alone. I just can’t seem to find what I am looking for in a partner. I don’t ask for much, just someone who is honest, loyal and a hard worker. Someone who I am attracted to, who I share something special with.

I feel more alone than ever because it is the holidays and while everyone is busy spending time with their families, I am single and alone. I said that I would never do this, but I’m beginning to think that maybe I should just give up on love and be content with someone who I can at least have around sometimes. At least then I won’t be so lonely. Is really something wrong with this?


About To Settle

Dear About To Settle,

The question is, is this wrong for you? You sound as if you’re on the verge of making a decision out of desperation or despair. Neither frame of mind is good for making healthy, wholesome decisions, especially since you are extra emotional due to the holiday season.

If I were you, I would wait to see how I feel after the season has passed. From there you can gauge where you are truly at in your loneliness. Do know, however, that if you are looking for something long-term and fulfilling, you are making the wrong decision.

Too many people are settling and the more women that do, the more leverage we give men to treat us poorly. For instance, you meet a man and you like one another.

You clearly want to see where things will go and begin to look at him as a potential partner, but he has four other females interested in him. They require very little attention, care, or respect, yet they each give him what he wants and needs.

Chances are, you are not going to get very far with this man because he is receiving maximum benefits with minimal output. Unless he falls head over heels and shares a special connection with you, you have a road ahead of you. Your loneliness will not be filled by a part-time fling. It may take a bit of the sting away, but deep down inside, you will be making your loneliness worse because you are settling; if you only have half of a person, you have no one at all.

On the other hand, if you are considering having a casual something with someone until Mr Right comes along, then that is a different story. In that situation, just be sure to not get caught up or invest too much time, emotion or energy into your in-the-meantime fella because you will run the risk of disappointment and further heartache.

Dear Dr Nekia,

I fell in love with a beautiful woman the moment I met her. People say that it’s just lust or a crush. I get really upset when they try to minimise my feelings by saying that our relationship is in the honeymoon stage, because it seems to cheapen what we have. I read your column every week and I notice that so many people write in about bad experiences, but I am writing about the good side of love. We are so happy together and connect on all levels. I wish that everyone could find what we have finally found in one another. Why do people have to be so careless about their opinions of us? Don’t people believe in love anymore?


The Good Side Of Love

Dear The Good Side Of Love,

Sadly, many of us have given up on the possibility of love at first sight and have given up on finding that kind of love that has us feeling joyful for many years to come. Instead, we expect relationships to be built on mutual morals, goals and the ability to cohabitate. We settle for simply getting along and the minimal relationship ingredients of trust, honesty, respect and communication. What makes it even more grim is that many of us do not even require or offer these basic things. With so many relationships and marriages in such a poor state, it is no wonder that people are so negative towards the possibility that you and your woman have found what they have not.

People are walking around so hurt from disappointment that they have cut themselves off from even the possibility of love. They become self-proclaimed realists arguing that love doesn’t exist, is irrational and serves no real purpose. What they do not realise is that love does not exist for them because they have closed themselves off from its possibility. Do not let the pessimism and bitterness rob you of your bliss because if you begin to doubt what you share with your woman, you will be planting a seed of ugliness that could lead to the failure of your relationship.

Be intelligent about your relationship but continue to be excited and I hope that you will become that rare couple that shares this extra special bond with one another.

•Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com