Forgiveness has been studied by theologians and psychologists alike for its role in healing, but when a person has suffered at the hands of someone else, forgiveness can be difficult to find.

Since forgiveness can be nurtured by the earnest confession and apology of the offender, I want to talk about confession.

Confession is a humble and complete self-disclosure, not hiding, not still trying to protect and conceal. It is a giving up in the realisation that one has committed an offence against God or other people. To confess means to say the same thing ? to agree. In the legal sense of the Greek word behind our word "confess" a woman or a man agrees with another's statement, concedes, or admits something.

In the religious sense a person binds him or herself to an oath, entering into a treaty relationship with a deity, and then confesses or agrees with the charge that he or she has broken that treaty with God, thus sinned.

In the Septuagint the Greek words for confess were used to translate a typical Hebrew word used for praise; thus, one worshipped God by confessing and agreeing with Him about one's sin, and it included the idea that God would save from specific failure. Such confession was also an acceptance that God would deal with it; there would come a consequence for sin.

Thus, in the Old Testament, confession was not a way of escaping consequences of sin, but a way of yielding oneself to the loving kindness and faithfulness of God, who would see one through and redeem from sin, often precisely through the consequences.

Most often in the New Testament confession means to declare openly or state publicly while admitting one's breach of an oath, thus, one's breaking of a trust. The one making such an avowal faced the facts, making no effort to hide or deny them. In Acts 19:18 those coming to Christ were confessing and disclosing their practices; that was a specific declaration.

It was a sign of repentance, which is a turning away from specific practices. This involved a clear identification of the sin in question, not just an indication that something sinful had taken place. For a liar to confess would be to state what the lie was, when it was told, and who it deceived. For a sex offender to confess would be to make a public proclamation of the offence against a child, even going so far as to share the ways in which coercion, intimidation, or force had been utilised.

For a thief to confess would be to tell a person what he or she stole from them, where, and when it took place. For a person to confess to God his or her unbelieving heart, would be to look into the wide cosmos and admit that one believed only so far and then came up short, lacking the ability to turn it all completely over to God.

Incidentally, that's where God meets a person, in the reality of their predicament, and in a similar way, that is where an offended person can meet the one who took advantage of him.

Such confession helps bridge the gap between perpetrator and victim. For anyone to confess in the many mundane fissures of relationships would be for that person to disclose what they have actually done and to take the perspective of those they have offended. It shows the offended person that the offender is aware and is sorry.

In the best practices for treatment of sex offenders, for instance, the offender first explores his offending behaviour to understand it, and then takes the perspective of the victim, making a full disclosure to his group therapy comrades (all fellow sex offenders) of what he has done; every detail is considered, because they all know that ANY secrecy is just a spot of leaven.

It is this confessional perspective-taking which can help perpetrators comprehend the extent of the damage they do to others, leading to remorse in those who still have that capacity of conscience. In turn, genuine remorse often leads to forgiveness when the person offended against can perceive it. In turn, genuine remorse often leads to forgiveness when the person offended against can perceive it.