*** There's an old, old joke which states that marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.

And for all those bitter, angry folks who have turned from lovebirds into vultures, the J.B. Productions play "Marriage is Murder'' was a perfect antidote to the sicky-sweetness of Valentine's weekend.

Similar to the film "War of the Roses'', "Marriage is Murder'' is a dark comedy about how the fires of love can easily turn into a deliciously hateful passion.

To give you an idea of the twisted stuff we're dealing with, strains of a song I am quite unfamiliar with -- the "Masochism Tango'' -- could be heard playing during the show's intermission.

The basic plot centres around Polly (Helen Coffey) and Paul (Phillip Jones), a divorced couple who wrote a series of "Miss Charlie'' murder mysteries during the happier days of their marriage.

Polly, who has supposedly become a successful screenwriter in California, visits Paul to collaborate on another Miss Charlie murder mystery.

The Miss Charlie character has abruptly become a lucrative business opportunity, and Paul and Polly must work together since both names are included on the copyright.

Of course, this also means if one half of the not-so-loving couple gets bumped off, the other could become quite wealthy -- thus the motive for murder.

There is also a touch of the fatal-attraction-jealousy thang going on -- Paul has become a swinging bimbo-dating-bachelor since the divorce, and Polly's got deluxe condoms in her pocketbook.

Both naturally refuse to admit that they miss the other, and instead test out the plot of different murder mystery ideas on each other.

The cleverly-written play explored the twinned feelings of love and hate evoked every time two people know each other deeply.

Although the plot twists were pretty predictable, this play managed to do what not too many local comedies have caused me to do -- laugh out loud.

There's nothing I hate more than slapstick comedy, and "Marriage is Murder'' avoided that entirely.

Instead, Polly and Paul's interaction was filled with the wonderfully snide sarcasm that I associate with both healthy relationships and good comedies.

Phillip Jones did a very good job of playing the harassed, beleaguered ex who comes face-to-face with his former wife's controlling nature.

And Helen Coffey did an excellent job as Polly -- I tended to waver between being irritated by her neat-freak, hyperactive personality and sympathising with her desire to bring order to Paul's structureless environment.

If I have any criticism of the play, it's that I would've preferred it to have a slightly darker edge -- unlike that lovely film "War of the Roses'', you never really get the sense that Paul and Polly really dislike each other enough to actually kill.

And occasionally, Polly's/Helen's energy outstrips Paul's/Phillip's to such a degree that he's a bit overshadowed.

Nonetheless, this overall was a very enjoyable play that took a look at the flip side of that infamous blessed institution.

Kim Dismont Robinson THEATRE THR REVIEW REV