and Housing, in conjunction with local businesses and service organisations, is sponsoring a symposium and two seminars by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton.

A renowned pediatrician, Dr. Brazelton's many areas of concern include child development, the disadvantaged, and comprehensive day care for working mothers.

Here he discusses some of the issues facing parents today, and ways of dealing with them. Question: How do you cope with a child who has been living life on his terms since babyhood; who fills you with guilt each time you leave him, and who refuses to eat anything but the food of his choice? Answer: Listen to Dr. Berry Brazelton! A practising pediatrician for over 35 years, the Texas-born author, researcher and television personality has handled over 25,000 babies in the course of his long and interesting career, and knows whereof he speaks.

On October 11 and 12 he will be in Bermuda sharing his wisdom with parents, professionals and caregivers at a series of seminars sponsored by the Department of Health, Welfare and Social Services.

To today's parents what Dr. Spock was to those of the '50s, Dr. Brazelton's counsel is born of a lifetime devoted to discovering what makes children tick.

Cognisant of the energy-sapping stresses today's parents undergo, he has devised sound ways of dealing with them.

The latest are the subject of his newest book, `Touchpoints'.

"Touchpoints is a model -- a map, if you like -- of what I know parents need in order to (be able to deal with certain stages in a child's development),'' the doctor explained.

Defining a touchpoint as "a period just before spurt and development,'' Dr.

Brazelton said: "There are four each in the first and second years, and four in the next two years, when I know parents are going to be worried.

"Just before a child spurts into development, there is a period of falling apart and regression, and the parent doesn't know why. They feel they have failed in some way, so they put more pressure on the child, when really what the child needs is freedom to pull himself back together to get ready for the spurt.'' Dr. Brazelton said that by understanding the need for regression and not putting pressure on children, parents would avoid setting up problems for the future.

"Touchpoints are the time when problems are going to be predictably set,'' he advised.

Knowing how to deal effectively with them would avoid sleep, feeding and toilet problems.

"If parents are willing to work with me, they can avoid these later problems.

That is the whole reason I know it works for middle and working classes -- I have worked with over 25,000 children,'' the pediatrician said.

Renowned for his down-to-earth approach to child rearing, Dr. Brazelton bases his success on a combination of traditional medical wisdom, extensive training in child psychiatry, and years of research and practical experience.

"Look for the motivation behind a child's actions,'' he advised. "A child's behaviour is his way of communicating.'' But he also believes in discipline.

"Discipline is the second most important parental job,'' Dr. Brazelton said.

"Love comes first, but firm limits come second.

"A working parent feels too guilty and too tired to want to be tough at the end of the day. Of course, parents would rather dodge the issue of being tough. But a child's agenda is likely to be different. Children need the security of boundaries, of knowing where they must stop.'' Discipline does not mean punishment, however.

"It should be seen as a teaching. No discipline works magically. Every episode is an opportunity to teach -- but to teach over time.

"Working families need more organisation than other families to make things work, and discipline gives a child a sense of being part of that organisation.'' Other classic problem areas for working parents included sleep, feeding, competition with caregivers, and the supermom/superbaby syndrome.

He said children had to be taught to get to sleep themselves -- a process that involved having a soothing, comforting bedtime ritual -- and how to go back to a deep sleep after light-sleep episodes, which occurred every three to five hours.

"Learning to sleep through the night is important for the child's own sense of independence,'' the doctor stressed. "A child should not fall asleep in its parents' arms; if it does, then the parents have made themselves part of the child's sleep ritual.'' Dr. Brazelton says a child needed autonomy in feeding. "Parents often believe feeding is a major responsibility, and if a child doesn't eat properly, it's the parent's fault. `A good parent get a well-rounded diet into a child' sort of thing.'' Instead, they should ease up on the struggle, leave as much as possible to the child, and set attainable goals for themselves.

"Don't make food an issue. If a child won't eat vegetables, give a multi-vitamin every day. Simple amounts of milk and protein will cover the other needs in the short term. The parents' relationship with the child is more important than the quantities of food consumed,'' he advised.

Conflict between parents and caregivers was inevitable in all important areas of child rearing -- eating, discipline, and toilet training, but could be resolved without damaging the child.

"A child can adjust to different styles of rearing if there is basic agreement between parents and caregivers on important issues,'' Dr. Brazelton said.

It was differences in basic values, not techniques, which confused a child. On striving to be a supermother, the pediatrician was adamant.

"Understand there is no perfect way to be a parent. It is not only an impossibility, it would be a disaster. Learning to be a parent is learning from mistakes.'' He also discouraged trying to raise superchildren.

"Respect a child by understanding the demands it already faces in the normal stages of growing up. Teaching a child too early deprives it of its childhood.

Play is the way a child learns, and the way it sorts out what works for it.

When a child finds this on its own, it gains a sense of importance,'' Dr.

Brazelton said.

While acknowledging that great changes have taken place in child rearing over the past 40 years, the doctor said parents' desire to do a good job had not changed. Nor had the stresses of new parenthood -- merely the focus.

"At a time when nearly 50 per cent of all marriages end up in divorce, maintaining family life is a high-risk venture,'' he noted. "Single parents struggle against the dual demands of providing financial and emotional support for their children. Two-career couples face the conflicts of trying to balance work and family life -- and trying to do both well.'' As a result, today's parents were searching for guidelines to rear their children -- how to cope with work and home; how to deal with limited time for family life; how to live with anxieties they have about family care, and how to handle the inevitable competition they feel towards their mates and caregivers.

While he will have much more to say on these matters during his parents' symposium on October 11 (Topic: Stresses and supports for families in the nineties), Dr. Brazelton's brief prescription for busy parents who juggle work and family life is: Learn to separate the two commitments. When you work, be there. When you are at home, be at home.

Prepare yourself for separating from the child each day. Get up earlier. Sit down to talk or get close with the children before urging them to get dressed.

Help them choose their clothes. Talk out the separation ahead. Remind them of the reunion at day's end. When you're ready to go, gather them up. Don't expect co-operation -- the child is bound to be angry that you're leaving.

Don't sneak out. Always say good-bye and don't delay your departure.

Acknowledge feelings: Allow yourself to grieve about leaving your baby -- it will help you find the best substitute care, and you'll leave the child with a passionate parting. Let yourself feel guilty. Guilt is a powerful force for finding solutions.

Share stress: Find others, peer or family resource groups to share your feelings with.

Involve your spouse: Include him/her in the work of the family.

Be realistic: Face the reality of working and caring. No super-mom/ super-baby fantasies! Pace yourself: Learn to save up energy in the workplace to be ready for homecoming.

Married to Christina, the father of four and also a grandfather, Dr. Brazelton has become a virtual one one-man industry. In addition to teaching and seeing patients, he writes books, produces videos, has the `Lifetime' television series on cable television, travels and lectures.

But he never tires of his subject.

"Children are miracles,'' he says. "Each one is completely different. That's what's so exciting.'' The parents' symposium will take place at St. Paul's centennial hall at 7 p.m.

on October 11. Admission is free. Further information on this, and other seminars for professionals, is available from the Health Promotion Office at the Ministry of Health, Social Services and Housing.

A LITTLE MIRACLE -- World-renowned child care expert, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, cuddles one of the 25,000 children he has met in the course of his long and distinguished career. Dr. Brazelton will share some of his expertise with Bermuda audiences on October 11 and 12.