Dear Annie: My wife sleeps with our nine-year-old daughter, "Alexis". This started shortly after Alexis' birth and continues to this day. At the same time, my wife complains bitterly about our lack of emotional and physical closeness. My response is that I'm always available upstairs – alone.

I have tried over the years to coax her back into our bedroom using a combination of the carrot and the stick, but nothing seems to work. I often tell her that sleeping with our child is a symbol of our apartness. Nonetheless, she has made it clear that she enjoys sleeping with our daughter and prefers it to sleeping with me. She has chosen her child over her husband.

Please publish my letter so my wife will see it and hopefully change her priorities. I've tried everything else and don't know what more I can do. – Indy

Dear Indy: Some women use their children as an excuse to avoid the marital bed. The repercussions not only damage the marriage, but also the child. And at this point, Alexis will make it extremely difficult to change the sleeping arrangements, which will only make your wife more likely to maintain the status quo. She needs to stop, and it will help if she understands and faces her reasons. Please get into counselling, preferably together, and work on this.

Dear Annie: My wife and I have four grown children. I was pretty strict – no dating until 16, no staying out after midnight, no smoking or drinking. The kids were disciplined, but never spanked. They had chores, but could spend the money they earned any way they liked. I thought they turned out pretty well. After they left home, my wife and I divorced after 26 years of marriage. Slowly things began to change, and now my two daughters won't speak to me and the boys think I was too hard on them growing up.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what has happened and why they remember their childhood so much differently than I do. Can you tell me what is going on and why? – Stumped

Dear Stumped: Children often remember their childhoods differently than their parents and even their siblings, because the memories are filtered through their young, self-absorbed interpretations. In your case, there could also be many negative associations triggered by the divorce (and it's also possible Mom or other relatives could be contributing somewhat on that score).

If your kids bring up an event that you recall differently, say so without implying that their memories are faulty. Instead, in a neutral tone, tell them how you remember it, and say you did the best you could and that you love them dearly and are proud of them. Then occasionally remind them of happier times that they presumably enjoyed.

Dear Annie: This is in response to 'Frustrated Parents of a Former High Achiever', whose 20-year-old son was kicked out of college for marijuana use. He most likely is addicted to marijuana. At 20, this is more serious than an adolescent attitude he will grow out of. Marijuana, like cigarettes, alcohol and other addictive substances, raises dopamine levels in the brain. The developing brain, especially in adolescence and young adulthood, is vulnerable to such artificial stimulation, leading to lifetimes plagued by addiction and its consequences.

I am a physician certified in addiction medicine by the American Society of Addiction Medicine, and am committed to getting the word out about the consequences of substance abuse in our adolescents and young adults. Most addictions start in those years. Marijuana addiction, although it may be considered socially less harmful compared to other substances, can be as debilitating in the long term. Please advise the parents to seek help through groups such as Families Anonymous or Nar-Anon. Some young addicts do eventually correct themselves and change, but unfortunately, many do not. – Emily Rayes-Prince, MD, DABAM, Kentucky

Dear Dr. Rayes-Prince: Thank you for your professional take on the subject.