Costly, but the BIC report copies come in handy
December 6, 2006
WE have all been suffering from formidable indigestion this week, after reading the total cost of the BIC at $338,000.00. Anyone obtaining a copy of this great work by accident (I tripped over a stack of them delivered to the tiny Bailey's Bay post office several weeks ago, so took the one attached to my toe with me) or by intent, you will no doubt be as incredulous as I am over this figure.The only way to deal with this is to see the ridiculous side once we have paused to reflect the reality that this amount of money could have paid for a monthly rent of — let's say — almost $1,700.00 (near realistic) for 16 families for one year.
My seditious friends and I have been racking our brains as to what the books could be used for — certainly not in all seriousness as a basis for a green or white paper; toilet paper perhaps, but one of our number has covertly put this to the test, and has established zero absorbency, due to the very costly, glossy finish. Our resolved aim is to come up with 101 uses for the BIC book so at least all cash is not lost. We therefore look to you, Sir, to help us by publishing this appeal to the broader public.
We have established an e-mail address to collect readers' suggestions:-
This will in due course be followed by a web site listing all of the suggestions that come in.
The best (and the 101st) entries will receive as prizes The Wit & Wisdom of Rolfe Commissiong (don't worry; it's one of the shortest books ever written — almost as short as David Burch's How To Make Friends and Influence People In A Multi-Cultural Society).
Some entries have arrived already reportedly tried and tested:
Self-defence at police station (instead of wasting a good telephone book)
Doorstops (pile of three sufficient)
Row of three behind door to stop drafts
Bermuda roofing slates when local stone in short supply (after glue applied three edges to keep them firmly sealed, or simply left in their cling film)
Unopened delivery packs stacks of ten as airline chocks (not actually tried and tested but we're still hoping to disguise one of our gang as a DAO employee)
Well, we await eager participation, but remind the public that members of the BIC remain ineligible.
Thanking you in advance,INDEPENDENT AND RESOURCEFUL BERMUDIAN
St. David's
