Emotions ran high among those giving testimonials during Friday night's finale of the Bermuda Race Relations Initiative (BRRI).

Launched by Premier Ewart Brown in March, the BRRI, through a series of dialogues and panel discussions, has been unearthing the cancer of racism which has affected the Bermuda psyche for generations.

However, pride and fear continue to haunt white people in Bermuda, according to white participants in the BRRI, who acknowledged their lack of representation in the forums.

At the Elbow Beach Hotel, a committee of participants and more than 100 people gathered to speak of their experiences in the BRRI which were also presented to Dr. Brown.

Haga Markham, a white woman originally from the Netherlands and a Bermuda resident for the past 20 years, said whites owe blacks an apology.

"You don't want to be like us," Ms Markham tearfully urged blacks. "Don't try and be like the white people are or were.

"Seek healing not just economically, but in your own self image, in your own life and your own soul, in any deep invisible way that you need.

"I agree that (the BRRI) was really enriching. When people are afraid to enter into this dialogue it may be because they don't want to feel guilty or out of control because they're afraid or whatever.

"If we can just get more people to participate in this, we can learn to live in peace together."

As a Dutch woman, Ms Markham confessed to having an "unspoken self-righteousness" for most of her life.

"I'm from Holland and I didn't know I have this unspoken self righteousness about being Dutch; we were not like the British and the Portuguese, I thought," she said. "About 15 years ago a shipwreck was found and explored which turned out to be a Dutch slave ship — it was the shock of my life.

"After we did some research, we found out that the Dutch were some of the most brutal slave traders. Even though (the Dutch) might not have brought slaves to our country, they were deeply involved in it.

"So, in that respect, I have absolutely nothing to be proud of and I have to join the white people of Bermuda in the need to acknowledge that what was done was absolutely wrong and there's no excuse in the world."

She said while the effects and legacy of slavery have had an astronomical affect on black people, her white counterparts are negatively affected too and most are not even aware of it.

While addressing blacks, she stated: "There's no way we can repay you. We can come up with all kinds of legislation, reparations and lots of money but that will not restore your soul.

"The effects of slavery and discrimination are so deep, it has hurt black people so much but it also has emptied and buried white people's souls — and we're not even aware of it.

"White people worship the superficial God of money and status and control."

Also in attendance on Friday night, the Premier Dr. Brown reflected upon a bumpy but necessary process within BRRI discussions and suggested any discomfort was necessary for change to happen.

He said: "I know you have endured cynicism, criticisms and occasional hostilities from your friends and no doubt your enemies.

"Yet you have endured and remained committed to this process and I and your Government salute you.

"Black and white Bermudians who have literally tread where others have been fearful of going for so long have begun this long overdue national conversation, the 'Big Conversation'."

While crediting the Premier for addressing the issue of racism, former PLP Senator Calvin Smith, also a BRRI participant, portrayed the initiative as groundbreaking.

"For certain, it's a new experience for whites and blacks to come together and talk about race," Mr. Smith explained.

"A new experience in the sense that usually it's a one-off occasion and it starts from something else.

"I have very little experience with white Bermudians and what I've had that was to do with race hasn't gone too far."

Responding to BRRI critics who suggested the initiative was politically motivated, to stir up resentment, he refuted: "What on earth do we gain by bringing whites into a conversation with blacks that both of us are nervous about?

"Responding to the political criticism, the things you want to do when an election is, at least a year ahead, is to get into things that are non-controversial — you're sure don't want to get into race relations."

Canadian Tina Nash, 37, who is also white and married to a Bermudian, has taken part in the summits since their inception.

Mrs. Nash reiterated that whites must be made to feel uncomfortable and be willing to take risks if the process is to succeed.

"They forgot to send the email out to everybody," she joked to the crowd, referring to the lack of whites in attendance, which left a bittersweet taste in her mouth.

"I am obviously disappointed that there aren't more people here that look like me, but as we say in race relations, 'surprise, surprise, surprise!'

"This has been an incredible experience and a fantastic opportunity. I want to inspire white people to open up, take risks, be uncomfortable and start the healing."

She said the BRRI forums offered her a sense of relief that others feel the same way she does.

"As a white person predominantly hanging around white spaces, I'm always the one who is the minority who speaks out and says, 'you can't say that,' 'this is wrong,' 'do you hear how racist that sounds'," she said.

"It was so warm and welcoming to be in an environment where I was not the only angry white person. There were other angry people in the room."

The BRRI has been co-facilitated by Americans Professor Robert Jensen and Dr. Bernestine Singley, with the support of the Commission for Unity and Racial Equality (CURE).

Rolfe Commissiong, the main organiser and consultant to the Premier, suggested Government would continue the initiative throughout next year with new topics, election permitting.