Her only son was gunned down in a cold-blooded assassination the day after Christmas. Then she had to cope with callous comments about him in the aftermath of his death.

In this exclusive interview, Aquil Richardson's mom Shahidah Abdur-Rahim explains how she finds strength in good memories of her "momma's boy" and how she hopes to help other grieving mothers.

"I don't want people to get the idea that he deserved to die because of his lifestyle. It is hurting me to have to live with the fact that he is gone. I want people to know that he was a good father and son and was kind to his friends and associates.

"He lived his life how he chose and not how others wanted him to live. He wasn't a trouble maker but a peacemaker," she said.

"He was not a rowdy person. He was fun to be around. I love listening to his friends talk about him and some of their experiences with him. It makes me feel proud of who he was and what he meant to others.

"He had gotten interested in the game of golf and played often. He enjoyed playing XBox games and hanging out with his closest friends. He loved my cooking and always invited his friends over for jerk chicken."

Yesterday Antoine Anderson and Philip Bradshaw were both found guilty of his murder on Boxing Day 2007 by a jury after a four week trial at Supreme Court.

Shahidah and Aquil himself a father of three were very close. She and his father divorced when he was around 18-months-old and she brought him up as a single parent.

"He was very much like me, very quiet. People often said that he was a momma's boy and he probably was, but I think maybe a year or so before he was killed I let him be a man, I let him go.

"He would say 'momma, I'm not a little boy any more!' I have comfort in knowing that I let him be a man and he died a man," she said.

Aquil attended Port Royal Primary School, then Dellwood Primary School, followed by Sandys Secondary.

"He was an average student but he was very good at art. I often look at his schoolbooks and they all have artwork in them, even when he was doing a maths class," she recalled.

"He had a lot of friends and he liked sports. As a youngster he played football for Southampton Rangers in the mini minors. We travelled a lot then, to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, Vermont, New York, Florida and Boston.

"We used to spend our Christmases in Boston almost every year to get away, just him and I. As he grew older he started travelling with his friends to Atlanta, Florida, Philadelphia, England and Holland."

The trial heard how Aquil had brushes with the law when he was older. This led to nasty comments about him being posted on the Internet after he died, which caused Shahidah further pain.

"I don't want people to remember him mainly about his negative lifestyle. He had much more going for himself than that," she explained. "I don't like it when people blame the mothers for however a child turns out, because I did my very best with my son. And I'm not going to say my son was an angel but he was a good person. He had his faults like we all do."

The whole experience of her son's death and its aftermath have changed her life completely.

"I've isolated myself from people in the last couple of months," explained Shahidah, who gave this interview prior to the murder trial of Anderson and Bradshaw.

"I don't know what it is. I just feel like I'm alone in this world, so I've just been keeping to myself. I thought more of my friends would want to be around me and call me and go to dinner or go to the movies or whatever, but they don't.

"So I just do my own thing. I don't know if it's because they don't know what to say but I'm not a burden to anyone, I'm not sitting there crying with my friends, I've learned to deal with my loss and move on."

In the meantime, she has to cope with the grief of the rest of her family, in particular Aquil's daughter Jahquae, nine, who suffers from cystic fibrosis and diabetes and his sons Aquiyei, three, and Quilahn, two.

"Jahquae and Aquil were very close, she has a lot of his qualities. She cries a lot over his death. I try to get her to calm down when she's crying because it upsets me to see her cry like that. She cries very hard and it's a lot for her to deal with, with her illness and now her father not being here.

Quilahn, she said, is too young to understand what has happened.

Shahidah, who is of the Islamic faith, is shocked by the number of violent deaths there have been in Bermuda in recent years. She blames a number of factors for the bloodshed.

"These are the last days. It's been prophesied that these are the last days that we're living in," she said. "I don't think people value life any more. They have moved away from the Churches and the Mosques and they don't understand why we're here.

"Some youngsters think they're invincible, like nothing can happen to them. I have said it before, I believe (the reason) is the media, movies, the lyrics in some songs they're not being censored. We need to keep those things off the air or the television. It's probably too late though."

Shahidah feels that another major problem is gang warfare.

"I would like to see this 'town and country' feud stop, whatever it is. It's senseless. How can you say that because you're from town you can't come country or vice versa? This is Bermuda, Bermuda's so small and everyone knows everybody," she said.

She stressed, however, that her son was not caught up in the notorious bad blood between the rival Island factions.

"He did everything in town, he went to the clubs, he got his hair done at Kim-Kita's every week, shopped at Shannon's, Choices, New Life and Tuff Shoes, he worked out at the Olympic Club, he was very much into that.

"He had no fear coming into town because he didn't have a beef with anybody. Aquil was liked by everyone and if someone could come to me and tell me that they hated my son, then I need to hear that because I don't know of anyone that hated him," she said.

These days, Shahidah prefers to focus on positive things. Despite the anguish sparked by the hurtful comments after her son's death, others offered her support that she valued greatly.

She is a civil servant who, at the time of Aquil's death, had responsibility for making Premier Dr. Ewart Brown's travel arrangements.

"I am grateful to the Premier for allowing me to have worked for him, and for his concern. He called me at two o'clock on the morning it happened, from overseas, him and his wife Wanda," she said.

Her faith has also given her strength.

"The Muslim community was a great help with burying Aquil and I thank them for that. God has blessed me with the strength to endure day-to-day life now. Aquil is surely missed. He was loved by his family and friends," she said. "As time has gone by I look at his picture and I can't believe this has happened, but I feel that he is in a better place."

Shahidah has been friends with another grieving mother, Marsha Jones, since before Aquil's death, and the pair have offered solace to one another. Marsha lost her only son Shaundae Jones to a shooting in Dockyard in April 2003.

Aquil was in the car with Shaundae at the time and tried to save his life. No-one has ever been brought to justice over that murder.

"I understand Marsha's grief and look forward to the day that she finds closure," she said.

"It is very hard to have your only child leave this earth before you. A mother should never have to bury her child. One day I would like to start up a group for mothers who have lost sons and daughters.

"This group will allow us to support one another and share experiences to help deal with our losses. There are some of us who are really having a very difficult time and we need to support each other."

Anyone interested can contact Shahidah through The Royal Gazette by emailing eroberts@royalgazette.bm or calling 278-0156.