For the longest time I had these four short sentences taped to my refrigerator.

I am still trying to bring them into my life more frequently.

I am still working at bringing them into my daily practice where I know they can heal others.

"Darling you suffer.

When you suffer, I suffer.

I am here for you and I am so happy.

How may I help?"

These four short sentences can heal very deep wounds.

They are sentences that are sometimes tough to say to someone who is truly suffering.

They are four sentences that when used with the utmost of sincerity can help a person move past a very painful moment or painful situation.

They are the practical practice of Mindful Speech (the Fourth Mindfulness Practice Training) that can help change a person's perspective dramatically.

Said with complete authenticity they can allow the person who is suffering to open themselves up to looking deeply into what is really troubling them and allow them to understanding themselves deeply.

And for me that is what this spiritual path we all walk on this earth is all about.

First understanding ourselves deeply, so that we may then begin to understand others.

After all, the practice of deep understanding is the practice of deep love.

"Darling you suffer".

This first sentence acknowledges that I recognise the other person's feelings.

It expresses that I have seen below the surface of the other person's fa?ade.

Whatever the disguise, it states that I have acknowledged that no matter how talented, successful, beautiful, whatever possessions or money that person has, that she suffers in this moment.

It is a respectful acknowledgement, because they know it is true in that moment.

"When you suffer, I suffer".

This second sentence acknowledges how I feel.

When I have a friend, husband, brother or sister, child or just an acquaintance whom I can feel is suffering, it hurts me and I suffer too.

This sentence expresses my feelings and my truth.

I can sometimes also cry with that person, because my tears make them feel totally understood.

The vulnerability behind this statement can disarm the other person, especially if it occurs in a relationship where I have been perceived as the strong one.

Exposing my own feelings gives the other person dignity and actually calls for them to contribute to their healing process.

Christ asked Peter at one point, "Do you love me?" totally exposing his own vulnerability.

"I am here for you and I am so happy".

This shows the other person that I am willing to serve the other person first.

It is an invitation for that person to trust me and to show that nothing is expected in return.

There is not even the request for a thank you, or for any other forms of recognition.

When we expect thanks, our giving is diluted - our gift is less. I have to be careful here that I truly expect nothing in return; I have to be totally honest with myself.

This sentence allows the other person to be angry, sad, depressed, upset or whatever else and says that I will not be dragged into their feelings.

I can feel for them, but not take on their troubles.

I can stay totally composed, so that I can be of assistance.

"How may I help?"

Or perhaps better still, I can say: "How may I assist you?"

Assisting is sometimes better than helping, as it gives the person greater autonomy.

This freedom stuff is important; otherwise the other person could feel manipulated or dominated.

It allows the person to choose whether they want help or assistance.

Another important aspect of this practice is to ask the person when they are speaking to call their feelings or their thoughts by their true names.

When I name something it gives me more power and I am able to see what it is that is truly troubling me.

This type of speaking and listening is a speaking and listening meditation that aims to restore communication between ourselves.

We are so often not there for ourselves.

We run away from ourselves and are afraid to "go home".

When we can return to our true home, we are able to take care of that little girl (or boy) within ourselves.

You are so often that little child who has run away from yourself and then you are the one who is doing the neglecting.

Remember all of you needs you, your pain needs you, you have to go home and be there completely for yourself.

With the practice of mindfulness we can all learn to really be there, so that we can be there for ourselves.

That is true understanding; that is true love.

@EDITRULE:

The Mindfulness Practice Community of Bermuda meets every Sunday evening to support each another in the Zen practice of living consciously in the present moment.

ALL are welcome to join us any Sunday. Please contact us by email at iamhomeibl.bm or call 236-4988. You may also visit www.plumvillage.org for more information on these Zen teachings.