Dear Carla,

Two years ago, I decided that I was done with dating Bermudian men and signed up to a few internet dating sites. At first, I took it as a joke and found it intriguing when men responded to me although I would ignore the messages that they sent to me. One day I decided to throw caution to the wind and answered a guy who lives in New York.

We have had constant communication via e-mail and phone and have even Skyped just to make sure that he really exists. And guess what? I think that we are in love. Here’s the issue ... he wants me to come out there to see him but I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that he may not be who I think he is, and as stupid as this may sound, I’m afraid that he may try to hurt me. What if he’s a murderer? He says that he wants to marry me next year based on our communication, but I don’t even know how I would explain to people that I met my husband on the internet. What should I do?

CYBERLOVE

Dear Cyberlove,

First of all, why do you think that you have to explain anything to anyone? What you do is your business and as long as you are happy, really that’s all that matters. Now let’s discuss your fears ... I can understand your apprehension regarding who he may be in person but I think that, assuming the communication is genuine, that you have a good gauge of who he is as a person.

I think you should go to see him, but stay at a hotel in the city, not at his place. Meet him in public places and do not take him back to your hotel room. Before you go, tell him what your reservations are so that you are not blindsiding him with your actions. If he really loves you, he will understand. Let me know how it goes.

Dear Carla,

I am so angry because I cannot find a job. Everywhere I turn I am told that there is nothing available. What am I supposed to do?

WANT A JOB

Dear Want a Job,

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this plight. Have you signed up to all of the employment agencies on the Island? Do you need any additional life skills which would empower you further? Have you thought about packing groceries in the meantime? I see more and more adults doing it as a means to survive. What about volunteering? Doing so, could lead to employment opportunities. Please do not give up. Good luck

Dear Carla,

My son’s father and I have a good relationship although we broke up a few years ago. I consider him one of my closest friends. Sometimes he comes to me to ask for my opinion about him and other women. I talk to him freely. But I find that his behaviour changes whenever he thinks I am becoming close with another man. He stops coming around and hardly calls.

I don’t say anything to him about it but it’s starting to annoy me because I think that he is being selfish. We are not involved sexually so I don’t understand what’s his issue. I don’t want to argue with him but I think we need to address this. How should I bring this up to him without causing a ruckus or destroying our friendship?

EXLOVER

Dear Exlover,

It sounds to me like he is still in love with you although he may not openly tell you because why else would he act in such a way? Although you may not want to do you, I don’t think you have much of a choice but to raise the subject with him. It won’t turn into an argument if you just stick to the facts.

Give him examples of his behaviour, don’t just accuse him of being jealous. Emphasise to him what his friendship means to you and most of all, how you want to maintain it. Ask him to stop telling you about other females because it is none of your business. Unless it’s your child, in my opinion, you guys should not be discussing your interpersonal relationships ... just seems less complicated that way.

Dear Carla,

My daughter is 14 and recently announced that she wants to start shaving her legs so that she can have it “down right for summer”. I think that she is too young to be doing this and she is not that hairy in the first place. She says that all of her friends her age are doing it and that it is gross to have hair there. When I was growing up, the girls in our family were forbidden to shave until we were eighteen. What should I do?

NO SHAVE

Dear No Shave,

I see no harm in you allowing her to shave, especially if the hair is visible. In the old days, mothers affiliated the shaving of legs with sexual activity, but I think that that was more of an old wives’ tale.

Be thankful that your daughter cares about her grooming. Plus, I think once she feels that first ‘itching’ as it grows back, she may change her mind!