Survivors of domestic violence this week shared their harrowing experiences with other victims of abuse.

During Domestic Violence Observance Day at the Physical Abuse Centre, the women spoke out against abusive males and offered advice to their audience.

"They check you out and see you're nice and that they can control you,'' warned Lois Stafford. "They take advantage of you in small ways first. They say, `get me a drink, pay that bill', and then it grows bigger.'' Eight years ago, Mrs. Stafford moved to Boston with her husband and suffered his abuse before fleeing back to her family for support.

She recalled: "I had two kids and I was pregnant with the third so I started to pay attention. Most of the abuse was verbal, but there were times when it was physical. He would call me every name in the book, but mine. I said to myself, `I thought my name was Lois'.

"I had to stop hiding and get some help so I got on that plane and came home to my true family. My sister got me some plane tickets and off I went. I should have framed those tickets because that's real love.

"I want to tell all women that they don't deserve to be walked all over. You were not born for that. You deserve more than that.'' Desiree Symonds, who also overcame a life of abuse, proudly described herself as a "respected and responsible person of our community''.

Mrs. Symonds said: "My life has been a roller coaster from the time I can remember. My mother had a stroke when we were young so we basically had to take care of ourselves. I was a rebellious child and a rebellious teenager who turned to drugs and alcohol. My nerves were shot from the abuse I had taken from men and life in general that I went to the Physical Abuse Centre and they loved me until I learned to love myself.

"The sky is the limit for me now. There is nothing holding me back anymore, and, today, I'm encouraging all women to stand up for themselves because today is the beginning of the rest of your lives.'' A tearful Geneva Humdy-Woodley, who at first declined the invitation to speak at the Centre, said: "I am a survivor of physical abuse, but the abuse I experienced 15 years ago was so deep I initially said no to speaking out,'' Mrs. Humdy-Woodley explained. "Then I realised if I can touch one woman's heart then that's worth it.

"When I look back and see myself with black eyes, busted lips and broken ribs, the hurt is only on the inside and nothing can massage a broken heart.

"I fell in love with a handsome man who had everything going for him. I knew he had an abusive past and I thought I could help him, but when I reached for him he just pulled me right down with him.

"I was a few minutes late one day and he punched me in the face. I fell back and he kicked me in the stomach. I got a black eye and a busted lip.

"When my son asked what had happened, I told him I had fallen over. He said, `No you didn't. My daddy did that. My daddy is a bad man. When my one-and-a-half-year-old son was able to understand physical abuse I knew I had to get out.'' She left her abusive relationship, but her husband still had visitation rights with their young son. "My son came home one day and he asked me, `Have you ever seen daddy and my stepmother's wedding picture? She has a long white dress and she's smiling. She looks happy. Why doesn't she look like that when daddy hits her?' It was then that I knew my son would be affected and probably become an abuser himself. I felt her pain and I cried for her. No woman anywhere, no matter what she's done, deserves to be treated like that.'' WOMEN WOM CLUB CLB