This week, I had my teeth cleaned and bought a new laptop computer. The cleaning cost more than the computer. There were logical reasons why this happened, which I'll explain, but happen it did.

The computer is new, but it's a fairly low-level model, which I bought because it runs Windows XP, an outdated operating system. My regular computer has Windows' latest operating programme, Vista, on it, which will not run some of the software I rely on, so I bought a computer that will.

I bought it from a UK company to use only in that country when I visit, and it will be delivered to my brother, who lives there. The machine is made by a Korean company no one has ever heard of. Those are some of the reasons why, delivered, the machine cost £211.74, or, at the exchange rate on the day I bought it, about $320.

Having my teeth cleaned cost $335. That included an X-ray of my entire giant but empty head, an inspection by the senior partner in the dental practice I go to, and a thorough cleaning of my teeth by a professional hygienist. The whole thing lasted an hour and 20 minutes. My dental insurance may cover about half of the total expense.

The computer, given that I only plan to run it occasionally, might last 10 years or more. I'm due in for another cleaning in 90 days. Although my head keeps getting larger, my gums are shrinking, so I need regular help. You might think that my dentist would be the logical person to decide how often my teeth are cleaned, but he can't.

The Minister of Health, who to my knowledge has no dental experience (other than looking after his own), has decided that Bermuda dentists can't have all the hygienists they need, because there aren't enough Bermudian hygienists to go around. Doh.

That decision is partly to blame for the high cost of the cleaning, as is the fact that I had it done in Bermuda. The computer was made by lowly-paid staff in Korea, and its manufacturer has to compete with all the other computer manufacturers in the world. It was sold to me by a mail-order company with low overheads.

If I could have sent my teeth to Korea for a cleaning, I'd have saved hundreds of dollars, but they're attached to my head, thank goodness. I earn more than Korean journalists do, and so can afford to have my teeth cleaned here. Still, the contrast in costs could not have been stronger, and made me wonder if Bermuda isn't coming close to pricing itself out of existence.

Last week, I promised to find out what tax rules might affect Canadians who live and work outside Canada, but who visit their home country from time to time. Me and my aforementioned big mouth. I've spent half the week reading tax regulations, which can be very upsetting for a sensitive soul, especially one who doesn't pay income taxes.

I am aware that there is a movement in Bermuda towards introducing income tax. Although I usually steer clear of giving advice, I have some on this subject: don't.

It's not so much the tax I object to, although I object most strenuously to it. It's (a) the record-keeping requirements that income tax creates; (b) the additional power income tax grants to governments to come bursting through your front door at 3 a.m. with truncheons and tear gas and all like that; (c) the fact that all wealthy Bermudians have already organised their affairs in such a way that they won't pay much income tax, putting the burden squarely on regular Joes and Rogers; and (d) the other fact that if Bermuda introduces income tax, anyone who can leave, will leave. Who would pay both income tax and Bermuda's high prices, which would only be driven higher by income taxes?

While a mass exodus would make Bermuda a much lovelier place for the 16 people who would remain (I'd want to be one of them), you could kiss goodbye to such useful government services as ... well, all government services.

Does that answer the question on Canadian taxes. Let's see. No.

OK. Here are the results of my research, which should be relied on to the same extent as Wikipedia, which is a database of lies, damned lies and press releases. It may be a lot of laughs reading that Queen Elizabeth has three heads and eats babies, but this is the first sentence in which the words "the truth" and "Wikipedia" have ever appeared together.

So now you know all about Canadian taxes, eh? Oh, wait.

OK. Take three. As best I can tell, Canadian citizens are deemed non-resident in Canada for tax purposes if they leave the country to work elsewhere and meet several other requirements. What follows is what the Gummint of Canadria, as my Dad always called it, has to say on the subject, taken directly from the Canada Revenue Agency's website.

While it is normally a fatal mistake for you and your descendants to trust anyone from a tax office, Canadians seem to be genuinely decent people and I'd bet that their tax authorities are as truthful as tax authorities can be.

Quote: You're a non-resident for tax purposes if you: normally, customarily, or routinely live in another country and aren't considered a resident of Canada; or don't have residential ties in Canada; and you live outside Canada throughout the tax year; or you stay in Canada for less than 183 days in the tax year.

You're a deemed resident for tax purposes for the entire tax year if you: stay in Canada for 183 days or more in that tax year; don't have residential ties with Canada; and aren't considered a resident of another country under the terms of a tax treaty.

What are residential ties? Residential ties include: a home in Canada; a spouse or common-law partner and dependants in Canada; personal property in Canada, such as a car or furniture; social ties in Canada.

Other ties that may be relevant include: a Canadian driver's licence; a Canadian bank account or credit cards; health insurance with a Canadian province or territory.

Unquote.

Don't ask me for further information on this. I'm the wrong person. Instead, visit http://www.cra.gc.ca or speak to a representative of any of the major accounting or tax advice firms.

Income tax. Bad idea. Avoid.