Dear Annie: My husband and I adopted a boy from a reputable adoption home 26 years ago. At the time, we were given only a few details about the birth parents.

Several months ago, I found out who the birth mother is and where she lives. If I contact her and she wants to get in touch, should I share this information with my son? The mother was only 17 when she gave him up. I know now that my child has siblings. Should I keep this information to myself forever? — Desperate To Know What To Do

Dear Desperate: Has your son ever expressed an interest in searching for his birth parents? He is an adult now, and this decision should be his. Tell him you can help him locate his birth mother if he wants to do so. There may be medical history that would prove useful, and if his biological family agrees, a meeting could be a good thing. Adoptees often find this emotionally beneficial.

Dear Annie: I am a 52-year-old widow. My husband died seven years ago, and I had not dated anyone until I met "Jim" at the health club.

We discovered we had a lot in common, and as time went on, we began to develop strong feelings for each other. I felt my life come back to me. After five months, Jim moved in with my teenage son and me. He makes us both happy.

The problem is, my two older boys do not feel I should have another man in my life. I told them Jim has also felt the emptiness of a loss and understands. I also said I will always love their father, but I want a life, too.

Unfortunately, my sons have made it hard for me to see my grandchildren. We are not a close family anymore, and I am heartbroken. What do I do? Should I please my sons or myself? Am I a bad mother for choosing a man over my grown sons? — Mom in the Middle

Dear Mom: We see two different problems here. Your sons are being selfish to withhold the grandchildren because you refuse to remain alone for the rest of your life. However, having Jim move in with you and a teenager after five months is too much too soon.

We know you have been lonely, but you are rushing this relationship. It is premature to cohabit, and you should explain to Jim that you are having second thoughts about the arrangement and would like to take things more slowly. He should move out. This will also allow your older sons to get to know him before he is shoved in their faces. By all means, continue to see him, but please give yourself more time before taking the next step.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, California 90045, USA. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com