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Mom thinks a thong is all wrong ... Cheating wife is pregnant with lover’s baby

Dear readers, last week I received a question from a woman who was afraid to leave her child in her mother-in-law’s care because she’d wish her unborn grandchild dead. After reading the feedback, she asked me to post a final comment from her. Here it is:

Dear Carla, thank you for your kind words of advice and the concern displayed by your column's followers. To prevent any type of identification, I had limited my words. My child has two supportive parents who are also best friends. The grandmother has limited access to our child but they are able to spend one-on-one time together in order to bond. My husband and I are in agreement that one of us will always be present when our child is in the company of anyone other than ourselves. This eliminates any hard feelings for any member of our family. I've come to terms with the fact that my mother-in-law will never like me. It really doesn't matter, as long as she treats me with respect in front of my child. Hopefully, after reading my situation, she and others will understand my predicament and not criticise me so harshly for doing my job, which is to protect my child and best prepare them for the realities of the world. God Bless.

Dear Carla, I am a young Bermudian looking to better myself in the future but there seems to be a problem. I've applied for numerous job positions to gain more experience. But I've been rejected five times now. Don't get me wrong I am currently attending college to gain my associates degree in business administration, but I assumed that we are all expecting our Island home to get better but how is that if no one is willing to help us (the younger generation) to advance ourselves and make a difference in Bermuda's future?

THE FUTURE, firstly I applaud you for your commitment to empowering yourself. I remember being in your shoes … how do you get experience if you cannot obtain a job which will give you experience. While it can be frustrating, do not despair. If you have not already done so, put together a resume. Although you may not have any work experience, a resume reflecting your educational trek can be done. I would also suggest that you visit the Bermuda Careers Center so that you can receive guidance on how to achieve your professional goals. Also reach out to companies where you may be interested in working and see if it is possible for you to volunteer there in order to get a foot in the door; that way you can gain some experience and perhaps an inside trek for future employment opportunities. Good luck!

Dear Future

Dear Carla, my 14-year-old wants to know if she can wear thongs. She says all the girls in her class do. For me I feel like thongs are sexual. She disagrees and says they are simply underwear. What do I do?

MOM, my own mother felt that as well when I was growing up but I really do not see the big deal. I do not think that thongs equate to anything sexual; I feel that they are just undergarments used to hide panty lines. Buy her a pair and see how she likes them. Odds are she may feel uncomfortable once on and few hours and may change her mind.

Dear Mom

Dear Carla, I have a terrible issue that has caused me many sleepless nights. I have been cheating on my husband for the last year and now I am pregnant with my lover's baby. He is married as well. I never believed in abortion but I am afraid of telling my husband the truth as we don't have children together. My lover has children already and doesn't want anymore. I want this baby but I am afraid of being alone. I don't know what to do!

TORN, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what a terrible mess you’ve put yourself into. I don’t mean to be harsh but I think you are very selfish on so many levels here. Firstly you are cheating, not only on your husband, but with someone else’s. There are children involved in this situation so add them to the list of people whose lives are going to be affected.

Dear Torn

Now you could potentially be adding an innocent child who did not ask for this to be born into this craziness? It’s bad enough that you was cheating but you and your lover chose not to fully protect yourselves too? One thing that stands out about your situation is that you seem to be self-absorbed. Maybe I’m wrong but what I’m feeling is that you are looking for the best possible outcome that will put you on top.

I cannot tell you what decision to make regarding having the baby because you are the one who will have to ultimately deal with the situation, but I think you need to ask yourself if you are mentally able to handle any and everything that may come your way if you decide not to abort. Will your husband accept the baby? Will your lover? Will his wife? Can you afford to raise the child financially? Are you going to try to force the father to take responsibility, which leads me to the next question … are you sure that your lover and not your husband is the father? What a yucky mess you’ve gotten yourself into. I hope that you have a good friend or relative who can be a support to you while you sort through this because this is a lot to carry alone. I would also suggest that you seek counselling for what is driving this sort of behaviour. IF your husband decides to stay with you, I would suggest joint counselling as well because unfortunately, your problems have only just begun. I hope you make the best decision possible. And as you are pondering please consider everyone who will be impacted.

Do you have an issue you want to discuss with Carla? E-mail her: carla@royalgazette.com

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Published April 01, 2013 at 2:00 pm (Updated April 01, 2013 at 2:59 pm)

Mom thinks a thong is all wrong ... Cheating wife is pregnant with lover’s baby

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