Dear Dr Nekia,

I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy eight months ago, and I breastfeed. My baby’s father is very impatient with me because he thinks that I have breastfed our son long enough.

I understand that breastfeeding can be a bit inconvenient because we have to always find appropriate places to feed, and he is a breast man so thinks it is time to return my breasts to him.

I am proud to be a breastfeeding mommy and I do not want to stop before my son is 18 months old. This is becoming a real issue in our relationship and is causing heated arguments. What can I do to get him to understand that breastfeeding is a natural part of being a loving mom?

Sincerely, Breastfeeding Mommy

Dear Breastfeeding Mommy,

Unfortunately, breastfeeding is not a well-received topic for some people, but it is very important to the physical and emotional health of your baby.

In large, the medical community has done very little to promote its importance, and has instead focused on synthetic baby formulas as being the norm. This is partly to ease the guilt associated with mothers who are incapable of breastfeeding, as well as to ensure the lucrative businesses of baby formulations and vaccinations.

As your baby ages, your breast milk changes in composition to meet the nutritional needs of your growing child. Not only this, but breast milk evolves to give baby’s immune system its essential building blocks. This works because breast milk is an extension of mommy’s blood, which allows for immunity of the mother’s body to be naturally passed on to baby.

Additionally, breastfeeding is a very strong bonding experience. In fact, many studies have shown that breastfeeding greatly decreases the chance of children growing to develop learning, antisocial, and deviant personality disorders that can follow them into adulthood.

All of this makes breastfeeding very important. Try to gather as much information as you can so that you can have an open and honest discussion about the necessity of you breastfeeding.

Most men, and even women, are not aware of the truths surrounding breastfeeding and this is a time for daddy to understand that breasts are primarily for feeding and not for ornamental or sexual use.

You should not be made to feel guilty or be pressured against enjoying your time as a breastfeeding mom.

Also, hopefully you both can come to find confidence and joy in your decision to breastfeed, which should make feeding in public less inconvenient. Mothers should not have to run to hide in a bathroom, closet, or corner when their babies are hungry, and I wish that more women would support mothers and find themselves comfortable with their bodies and their natural right to breastfeed as needed.

There is no shame or perversion in breastfeeding, so do not let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My husband is very bad with money. The more we work and try to save, the less money it seems that we have.

I get so upset with him because he does not stick to our budget, it affects how we live and, honestly, I lose respect for him. I feel like I cannot trust him with money, and I am tired of following up on the bills to see if they are paid.

He spends on any and everything — alcohol, food and even lends people money. We have not had sex in almost two months because I am so mad at him. I am beginning to resent him because I feel like he is holding me back.

We cannot plan a secure future, or family, just because of his spending habits. What can I do to make him stop spending so much?

Sincerely, Make Him Stop Spending

Dear Make Him Stop Spending,

Financial disagreements are the number one reason for couples to be unhappy, and the leading cause of divorce. Not so much the lack of money, but the mismanagement and mistrust of spending money.

At the centre of this is that couples today tend to think of themselves as being completely separate people who choose to spend their lives together; each person sees their income as being theirs. Most couples will agree to share expenses but cannot agree on what exactly those expenses should be outside of the basic monthly bills that are necessary to make the home run.

Financial planning thus becomes an uncomfortable grey area that needs to be hashed out. A more positive and constructive outlook on finances would be for couples to realise that they are on the same team. There is no mine or yours, it is ours and what we bring in will combine together to determine our affordable lifestyle.

I would suggest that you try to get him to take money management classes, or that you consider taking over the financial management aspect of the home.

Each household should at least have an account for household expenses, short-term savings, and long-term saving for things such as family trips, college fees and retirement.

Emergencies will fall under short-term savings and you should come to an agreement about how much should be contributed to each account each month.

Whatever is left over from the combined household income could then be allocated to personal individual spending and savings. I understand that many men would not approve of the idea of a woman handling their money, but therein is the issue — within a marriage, or partnership, no personal paycheque should be viewed as being mine versus yours. Both should have the mindset that the most important goal is the security and happiness of the family; individual wants come after.

Couples need to remember that a lot is involved in the building of a family which begins with the joining of lives, and by extension, finances. Much of the individualistic ways of thinking should be left to single persons.

Dear Dr Nekia,

My girlfriend gets very defensive whenever I ask her questions. She says I don’t trust her and that I want to argue all the time. I don’t know why she snaps at me over the simplest questions, but the more she does it is the more I suspect that she is lying. I tried asking her about it, but she denies it and blames me. What could be going on?

Sincerely, Can’t Even Ask A Question

Dear Can’t Even Ask A Question,

I am not sure which topics are striking a nerve with your girlfriend but whenever someone avoids answering or is seemingly overly defensive about questions, that person is keeping more than just the answer from you.

In other words, your girlfriend may not be lying, but there is a story behind her attitude that she is concealing from you.

Avoidance and defensiveness to questions are usually indicators that some level of guilt or overwhelming stress is involved in the topic. Comfortable situations rarely call for secrecy or aggressive reactions.

Hopefully you will be able to find out what is really going on. You may never know, but you could try. A good place to start would be to use what you know about her to make her trusting, comfortable and ready to share any information that she may be withholding from you.

It is understandable that by now you are a bit frustrated and annoyed, but have an accepting demeanour rather than an annoyed or anxious one so that her defences will relax. She must be made to feel that you will not judge her, condemn her, or become the enemy.

How you choose to react to what she reveals is one thing, but work on being calm and even-tempered because the important thing is finding out what is fuelling her defensive flares.

• Want relationship advice? E-mail nakedtruth@royalgazette.com