Lie down for our right to snooze
Spring forward, fall back! No, it’s not what I do in the morning when I try and get out of bed!
It’s that time of year again when my world is turned upside down and I’m put in a time warp.
It was once said, “Man fears time, yet time fears the pyramids.” I think they were talking about Daylight Saving Time.
There are some benefits of Daylight Saving Time: my clock on the microwave and in my car are now correct again, and the hour I have now lost is the hour I would have gone to the gym.
But for the negative, miraculously forward at 2am on March 26. If only time could move that fast when my wife was nagging me about taking out the trash. Another drawback is that my wife’s stupid poodle, Fleur, who wakes me at precisely 6am every morning, will now begin waking me at exactly 5am every morning. Animals don’t give a damn about daylight savings.
She will do so because that’s when her “Fleur clock” tells her it is time for me to feed her and take her outside for a No 1 and No 2 — in no particular order.
This means I’ll be in a perpetual stupor for weeks until the two of us finally get used to the clock change — only to have to go through the clock disruption all over again come November.
At any rate, we have 60 minutes of blissful shuteye taken away from us on Sunday morning by our oppressive government, which requires us to disrupt our lives and our sleep schedules twice a year as part of its evil plot to control our minds. Where did I put that tinfoil hat, anyway?
However, there is hope: the US Senate unanimously passed legislation that would make Daylight Saving Time permanent starting in 2023, ending the twice-annual clocks changing in a move promoted by supporters advocating brighter afternoons and more economic activity. Hopefully, dem aceboys on de hill will follow suit.
But as they say, a week is a long time in politics, and the way US politics are going, to get them to agree on anything would be like my wife and I agreeing on a restaurant.
I was in Washington once talking to a US politician, and I asked him what it was like trying to get laws passed in the US. He answered with a question: “How many members of Congress does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to change it back again.”
So most likely, next year, I will go to bed saying my annual prayer, “Hello, Darkness, my old friend. Soon you’ll be here at 4pm.”
Sticking to one time is really not such a bad thing or unusual. Arizona and Hawaii already stay on one time all year. So do nearly all of Asia and Africa. Argentina does it. So do Brazil, Japan and a large swath of Australia. Those places aren’t perfect, but they haven’t slipped into some scary space-time continuum from which they can’t function. Iceland also stays on one time, and Icelanders are some of the happiest people on Earth — maybe because they aren’t so unnecessarily tired. So it appears daylight savings is now becoming a thing of the past.
I say we rise, stand up and fight for our “Right to Snooze”. Actually, I suppose we should lie down instead of standing up.
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