I trolled the internet for some fresh ideas on celebrating Valentines Day. Almost all of the messages involve spending ludicrous amounts of money to profess true love. Call me Scrooge, but if you truly want to send a message that he/she is THE one, wouldn't you want to give a gift that signifies long-term appreciation in the relationship, rather than one that wilts and dies in a few days?

Linking thoughts of romance with thoughts of finance does not thrill many. Why is it that we can spend hours, days, weeks, talking about, watching videos, texting, and hearing songs (some really aren't) about the opposite sex's physical attributes, looks, clothes, demeanour and accoutrements, but we are totally unable to have an ordinary conversation about money: the handling of it, what it can do for you (or not), and how it can be used to achieve mutual dreams?

Nurturing a special relationship is hard work, demanding commitment, honesty, transparency, trust, deep caring, flexibility, communication and the ability to put someone else's needs ahead of your own. - even when you don't feel like it. More than 50 percent of divorces, rather universally in the western world, are triggered by the inability of one (or both) partners to handle their finances appropriately.

Marriage counsellors use screening methods to help couples figure out if they have any common ground. A counselling session may start with serious issues such as religion, personal moral codes, culture, class, family relationships, and intelligence quotients (IQ). Financial compatibility is much further down the list - on one counselling website, it was barely mentioned. This is hard to understand based on statistics quoted above.

Abdicating money control. Within relationships, some financial tasks are shared, some not, while others are handled by the partner with the interest, time or expertise. We tend to seek what we lack in ourselves from our partners. Either partner may seek someone that will take care of them. She may refuse to make any money decisions because she wants a sugar daddy to take care of her while she goes off and spends the money. He may feel that handling finances is simply beneath him and lays it off on her.

If financial decisions are not mutually decided, when things go wrong, the prevailing mindset is to blame the "irresponsible party". If you are in an enduring relationship, how can you realign your financial interests to achieve better family harmony?

Communicate: try scheduling money talks once a week over a quiet dinner, glass of wine, etc. Put a budget together after both of you agree on the boundaries. Give yourselves a small allowance for each of you to spend as you wish — no questions asked. These are just simple easy-to-do ideas as starters. Bringing in extended family issues, child support, unequal job compensation, and you must schedule financial fairness discussion times to keep issues sorted out.

If your Valentine is a new interest, you can learn a lot about how he/she handles money by how they act. Many of those intuitive signals you file away in your brain are good instincts. Trust them! You can run a little financial compatibility test to see if this person has qualities that match yours. Start with these and add your own. Answers are yes or no.

• Does he /she consistently give to charities?

• Does he / she have to have the latest of everything first?

• Does he/she hit the ATM more than once a week?

• Does he or she go all out at Christmas?

• Does he / she only pay the minimum on their credit card?

• Is he or she a Scrooge not only at Christmas but birthdays, etc.?

• Does he or she dicker endlessly about sharing costs on a restaurant bill?

• Does he or she treat waitpersons and other service staff with respect?

• If he or she is a manager, do they treat those that earn less than them with respect?

• Does he or she need constant treats to maintain a self image?

• Does he / she pay bills on a consistently late basis - right before the electricity shuts off?

• Does he/she share their job compensation package with you?

• Does he/she share their assets with you, here and elsewhere?

• Does he or she encourage you to further your education?

• Would he or she resent your making the most money in the relationship?

• Should he/she have separate bank accounts, or keep everything joint?

• Would he or she be upset if you dramatically quit your job?

• Would he or she react negatively if you spent $5,000 without telling him/her? How about $2,000? How about $1,000?

• Does he or she hide new purchases?

• Has he / she had high job turnover, i.e. a new job every year or so?

• Can he or she delay gratification on certain goals, or does he/she have to have it now even it means maxing out the credit card?

• Does he or she favour children from a previous marriage over yours?

• Does he or she favour his/her parents over your parents?

• Is he or she embarrassed when you purchase bargains, buy inexpensive items, or wear perfectly pressed perfectly clean but obviously old clothes?

• Does he or she always override your money decisions?

• Does he / she make impulsive investment choices?

• Do you increasingly find that you are uneasy with the way money is handled with or by your partner?

• If he or she had a choice between a gorgeous four carat diamond (or a fancy car for the guys) or saving the money for a home downpayment which would he/she choose?

• Do you ever have serious talks about money parameters?

• Do you both understand that you may have to sacrifice to attain some goals?

• Finally, this one has very ominous overtones, does he / she insist you sign a US joint tax return (or any other contract) without allowing you to review the document? I'll answer this one for you. Never sign anything without your full knowledge and objective counsel!

There are many yes and no answers here. The truly objective will use this on an individual basis for assessing money compatibility. Let's face it, though, romance is far more about emotion than objectivity.

However, if you find yourself increasingly uncomfortable because your significant other is scoring more than ten opposite answers from yours, maybe your Valentine is not what you really need to invest in, on a long-term basis. You know what to do from there!

Martha Harris Myron CPA -NH1929, CFP® -67184 (US licenses) is a dual citizen (US and Bermuda). She is a Senior Wealth Manager and a U.S. licensed Certified Financial Planner practitioner at Argus Financial Limited, specialising in comprehensive financial planning and investment advisory services for individual private clients and their families, business owners, career professionals, endowments and trusts. DirectLine: 294-5709 Confidential email can be directed to mmyron@argusfinancial.bm

The article expresses the opinion of the author alone. Under no circumstances is the content of this article to be taken as specific individual investment advice, nor as a recommendation to buy/ sell any investment product. The Editor of the Royal Gazette has final right of approval over headlines, content, and length/brevity of article.