When I was a student in seminary, a successful pastor came to the campus for a week. He spoke in chapel every day, and he met with a few of us in small groups. I'll never forget that one thing he said was: "Resist every temptation to compare."

Don't put yourself up next to someone else hoping to find a match. That man was Charles Swindoll, and what made what he said more impressive is that hundreds of preachers were at that time trying to pattern themselves after his style of preaching.

There is only one me. I cannot accomplish what Swindoll has done, because God gave that to him. There is only one Swindoll. He could never have done what I have done.

We would beat ourselves into whimpering, miserable messes to compare ourselves with one another hoping to find a match.

Psychologically, though, it's difficult to resist comparing ourselves with others. During classic research in social psychology, in 1954 Leon Festinger found that individuals have a drive to evaluate their opinions and abilities.

Without some kind of objective, non-social criteria, people will engage in social comparison. That is, we will compare our opinions and abilities to those of other individuals.

Further, whenever possible, we will make such comparisons with others we regard to be similar to ourselves. We will look within the groups to which we belong to figure out how we stack up with regard to what we think, feel, or do.

However, when it comes to what we look like something else takes place. In 2004, Morrison, Kalin, and Morrison stated that more recent researchers had found social comparisons on the dimension of physical appearance tend to be made upward.

That is, we pick out the most beautiful people we can find with whom to compare ourselves. When that happens, such comparisons usually produce a decrease in self-perceptions of attractiveness.

Certainly, this is not brain surgery ? not tremendously earth shattering news, right? Haven't you actually done this yourself? What ideal images come to mind when you start to think about how you'd like to look, what appearance you'd like have?

It seems obvious that we would aspire, if we have any concern over how we look, to something we think is better than ourselves. We want the success and approval that recognisably attractive people enjoy.

This comparing upwards isn't a good idea, however. I know. It's what we do, but really, ask yourself if you really want to keep doing that. How many of us can ever look as cut as Terrell Owens or as sensuous as Beyonce?

Attempting the impossible can sometimes lead to greatness, but most often it will lead to disappointment. And some people go off the deep end over the way they look, making these comparisons; they find something lacking in themselves.

Focused on their bodies, they engage in extreme behaviours to change the way they look, not so that they can be more healthy, but so that they can achieve a kind of look.

The problem is that it is never good enough. They never reach the goal or achieve that look. There is always something out of place, something more to be done.

No matter how long they spend in the gym or starve themselves, no matter how many surgical procedures they endure, they are never happy with themselves.

That is the real problem.

When it comes down to it, there is only one me. I had better find some way to real happiness about that. There is only one you.

I can choose to work out or eat right because it benefits the way I feel being me, but if I look in the mirror and reject the way I look, how can I find satisfaction in the person I am?

I can change my appearance only within limits, and it certainly feels good to dress myself in something nice.

However, if a person cannot be happy with him or herself, to affirm being a unique person, then putting on great clothes will only reveal personal flaws. And that gets me back to Swindoll's words, "Resist every temptation to compare."