I am writing to you because as a parent of elementary-school children, I am scared about what I hear is happening with children in middle school and high school.

Freshmen are having sex on the high school dance floor, and kids sit across the street from the school smoking while skipping school. I could go on and on.

I want to raise my children as best I can, teaching them values and right from wrong and enforcing the rules of our family in an attempt to help them avoid being caught up in all the terrible things going on around them.

Parents feel that they have lost control of their children. I have a dream. Maybe I am an idealist, but I feel that there must be ways to help!

Parents need to become parents again. I want to reach the parents who do not have the time, energy or know-how to seek out books and seminars.

There are a lot of good parents in our community, and I want to get them together, develop a general list of what parents can expect of their children, and develop a plan as to how they can go about helping their children meet these expectations.

Then, these parents can go into the community ? to schools, homes and workplaces ? and encourage other parents who've given up parental rights to be good parents. What I would like to hear from you is, first, if you think I have a chance at pulling this off.

Second, so we have a reputable basis for our plan, I am wondering if you could provide our group of parents with information that you feel would be valuable to our specific cause.

I believe that we can change our community if we teach parents to give their children realistic limits that they then enforce. I know that we will meet with some resistance, but I imagine that many parents will welcome the support and guidance.

I commend you on your responsible attitude, and I believe that parents can make a difference if they join together informally, at friends' homes or at schools, to set guidelines, limits and responsibilities for their children.

If they also encourage interesting activities and fun for their children, their children are likely to enjoy becoming responsible and respectful. If parents within each school look to each other for support, it will prevent children's use of the usual manipulation that we've all heard before: "But all the kids are doing it."

Your observations of premature sexual behaviours and over-empowerment are what I discovered in my survey of more than 5,000 middle-school children, which was published in my book "Growing Up Too Fast: The Rimm Report on the Secret World of America's Middle Schoolers" (Rodale, 2005).

You have asked for my help, so I will provide some basic guidelines. You can find more in the book mentioned above and my other foundational book, "How to Parent So Children Will Learn" (Crown Publishing, 1996).

Here are some beginning principles, but I expect each community will want to review these and add their own:

1. Take charge ? don't over-empower your children. Start with small amounts of freedom, choices and responsibilities, and increase them gradually, matching responsibilities with power and freedom.

2. Parents need to stay united. Be respectful of each other and of teachers and other adults who need to guide your children.

3. Hold education in high regard.

4. Encourage kindness, caring and giving.

5. Enjoy learning and fun experiences with your children.

6. Be a role model of ethics, activity and hard work.

7. Set limits for screen time, and use parental guidelines for videos, television and computers.

8. Teach your children to work hard and to volunteer to help others.

9. Encourage children to develop interests and become involved in extracurricular activities, music, the arts and sports.

10. Be sure responsible parents are on site for all parties.

11. Hold your children responsible for telling you where they are and for returning home at an agreed on time.

12. Be clear about no use of tobacco, alcohol or drugs for children.