Yet another Friday when my husband is tempted to rush out at 6 a.m. and buy up every copy of The Royal Gazette. This isn't so he can proudly distribute it to friends and family and plaster copies to his office wall, instead it's due to the mortification of having a wife that talks about poo for a living (insert obvious joke here.)

Still, I'm sure he'll bounce back. After this, I've promised to cover skin health, portion size and other less embarrassing topics for a few weeks.

However, in the meantime, let's discuss some rather awkward details as readers continue on their quest for the perfect poo.

I wasn't surprised to be asked this question, I'm actually asked it all the time.

I'm also frequently inundated by a variety of entertaining poo-related tales — such as my very tiny friend who was alarmed to produce something "as long as my arm." And another friend was startled by a bright green specimen early one Sunday morning. Fortunately, this turned out to be an excess of green food colouring rather than a red-flag for some horrific disease.

I also wasn't surprised that this reader was a little reluctant to put their name to this question — it is the national daily after all. So for privacy's sake, let's call you Confused in Southampton, shall we Craig? Oops!

Question of the week:

I'm confused. Should my poo float or sink?

CONFUSED in SOUTHAMPTON

I'm not surprised you're puzzled. There is a multitude of information out there regarding colour, shape, size and texture of the perfect poo. Much of the information is contradictory and some of it leads you to distinctly stomach churning web pages. So, I've sifted through the fascinating, unpleasant and down-right dirty for you. Good job I get paid for this!

It turns out that there are three main explanations for floating poo.

The first is malabsorption — particularly of fat.

The second is excess gas (tiny trapped bubbles make it float) and the third is adequate fibre intake. This means that many reputable experts disagree on whether or not floating is healthy.

However, I think it's actually fairly straightforward. It's true that fat malabsorption can make bowel movements float, but if this is the case you will also notice that the poo appears to be greasy, or leaves a greasy film across the surface of the water a little like an oil slick.

Excess gas can indeed also cause floating, in which case you may notice small bubbles on the surface of, or escaping the poo!

If you experience either of these situations, or if floating is sudden or accompanied by signs of digestive upset (e.g. diarrhea, blood in stool, stomach pain), then I would say that floatation is not healthy and seek advice from your doctor.

However, if everything seems normal in other respects, then floating can be taken as a good sign.

An adequate fibre intake from fruit, vegetables and wholegrains will often cause poo to float — especially temporarily.

It may drift down to the bottom of the bowl after a minute or so - though who discovered this I don't know. Whilst an occasional inspection is wise, I'm not sure many people hang around and observe their achievements for minutes at a time.

What you want to avoid is doing anything that sinks like a stone, or — god forbid — causes splash back. Poos that are dark, dense and often pellet-like are a sign of inadequate fibre intake and a sluggish digestive tract. Pellets can also be indicative of liver congestion — in which case drink plenty of water and eat only fresh, natural food with lots of wholegrains, fruit and veg.

If you do this and avoid processed, salty, sugary and high-fat foods, your liver should be clean as a whistle in no time. Easy on the booze though too.

Finally, note that in an ideal world a perfect poo is mid-brown, easy to pass and soft but well formed!

Meals out, stress, hormones and alcohol can all interfere with poo formation so variations are normal, however if sudden changes or discomfort occur, please discuss this with your doctor.

The advice given in this article is not intended to replace medical advice, but to complement it.

Always consult your GP if you have any health concerns. Catherine Burns is a fully qualified Nutritional Therapist. She can be contacted at 291 4725 or clinicalnutrition@gmail.com. Course details: www.nutrifitbermuda.bm.