can normally do the trick. "Is it me, or is this turkey tough?'' is a pretty good one, guaranteed to get mum brandishing the carving knife like a whirling dervish. And there's no wonder - this might be Christmas 1995, but there are precious few new men out there willing to roll their hands up and stack the dishwasher, let along peel the sprouts. Children are little better. When did you last hear a helpful young soul offer to pack away his Scalextric and help lay the table? It's generally mum who does the shopping, prepares the food and clears it all away -and what thanks does she get? Well this year it's going to be different. Here's our 10-point plan to keeping mum sane this Christmas: 1.The Present: No not a new vacuum cleaner! And a toasted sandwich maker is definitely out. What's needed is something for her - perfume (not a cheap one), a scarf or jewellry. It doesn't have to be dear, you can buy very nice Plan to help out mum this Xmas with gold bits on and a ribbon or bow. A gift card should contain a bit more of a message than `to-you-from-me' - at least ten words, not counting names! 3.Driving: How many mums feel like sticking a `taxi' sign on the top of their car? It's bad enough ferrying unappreciative children around all year, but when spouses take it for granted their wives will drive while they drink, it could be the final straw. Take it in turns, offer to toss a coin, but don't assume and don't sulk! Best of all, get a taxi - but book early. 4.Christmas cards: This is definitely a case where it should be all hands on deck. Do you realise how mind'numbing it is to write "Merry Christmas from, etc., etc.,'' 100 times? Get round the table and lend a hand, sign your own name, lick a stamp, do a few local deliveries. 5.Shopping: What a chore! Crowded shops, arms full of bags, tempers at boiling point. The last thing mum needs is you tagging along behind moaning and grumbling. Best plan is to stay out of the way and let the expert get on with it. Your job is to look after back-up services - arrange to meet at intervals to take bags off her and load up the car, organise lunch and dinner and be ready with tea and sympathy for when it's all over. 6.Decorations: Many hands make light work. We'll need someone to hold the step ladder, someone to pick up drawing pins when they drop out, a Sellotape ripper and someone to say if it's straight. The key to putting up decorations is one person up the step ladder and four on the ground. 7.Be Grateful: Enjoy your presents when they are opened - even if you hate them! Nothing takes the shine off Christmas day like a misjudged gift. Use some tact, you can always come clean a few days later, or discreetly change them after the holiday. 8.Sharing: Few things annoy parents more than children who won't share. Hand around your chocolates, give your brother a go on your new video game, let your sister listen to your Walkman. I know it's tough, but it is Christmas - and yes, the sharing rule extends to cousins too! 9.Drama: Christmas is not the time for dramatic announcements. Just as dad's starting to slice the turkey is not a good idea to tell everyone you've gone vegetarian. Confessions should be left until well after New Year, and wait until January 2 to dye your hair green or get your nose pierced. 10.Clearing up: The worst part about Christmas is clearing up. Peeling sprouts is pretty horrendous, but picking cold ones off a greasy, gravy-covered plate is worse.

Help with the washing up, or stacking the dishwasher, clear things away, don't leave torn wrapping paper all over the floor. And remember - a melted Mars bar down the back of the sofa is still a hanging offence! PHOTO LEND A HAND -- Keep mum sane this Christmas by helping out with chores and errands.