Hard-up families in conflict are being urged to resist handing over much-needed cash to lawyers and instead try much cheaper mediation.

The call comes from the Coalition for the Protection of Children's Sheelagh Cooper who said lasting, win-win solutions to messy wrangles are the norm.

Most of the work is court mandated but families can also opt for mediation. Fees are worked on ability to pay with a $50 minimum.

She said: "We don't want to turn anyone away, it's such an opportunity to resolve things and have them stay resolved."

The work is done by Centre for Community and Family Mediation, set up in 1992, which also deals with landlord/tenant disputes.

Mediation works by allowing disputants to resolve conflicts for themselves in private in non-confrontational surroundings rather than having a judge decide for them in court.

Mrs. Cooper said: "It is more likely to create resolutions which are more lasting because both are participants in the process and it's their solution, not someone else's.

"You seek out a win-win solution, you take the view there is enough to go around for everyone including the children.

"They are the reason we do this work because we have seen devastating effects from parents in conflict, they inevitably show the conflict to their children who are badly affected. It just destroys their self esteem."

She said in many countries mediation was the first mandated step to stop people wasting the time of the courts.

"We save the court enormous amounts of time. This year alone we have received more than a 100 referrals from the Family Court. It is an option people really ought to consider before going to a lawyer and spending a lot of money and ending up in much greater conflict than they were in the first place.

"There's certainly a role for lawyers in divorces from a legal standpoint but in terms of resolving the issues it is a much more efficient way to proceed."

Most family cases are about child support, visitation rights and custody.

Mrs. Cooper said cases often involve unmarried couples who have children together. Typically the mother takes the dad to court for child support then the issue of custody and access comes up.

A decade ago the mothers were trying to get the fathers to participate by visiting or taking the child for a weekend, said Mrs. Cooper.

"Now I see a huge shift among fathers in their desire to spend time with their children. More fathers are approaching the courts to get joint or even full custody."

She said courts are more favourable to fathers than in the past but the problem of child support remained with so many mothers being short-changed.

"I still see awards for $75 a week that were being made 15 years ago. The courts do not appear to have adjusted for inflation."

And even those small amounts are not being paid.

"I see so many women with major, major arrears of $15,000 and $20,000 being taken to court themselves for not paying their rent or Belco bills yet they are owed thousands."

She said it was time for a set rate sheet, like in Canada, with a fixed minimum amount which reflects the costs of rearing a child which can be increased according to the father's ability to pay.

"But the work we do is usually an attempt to engage the fathers to the point they will pay child support by recognising their responsibility and be willing to participate financially as well as emotionally," she said.

The Centre for Community and Family Mediation also trains children in ten primary, middle and senior schools to become mediators. Up to 20 percent of students at participating schools take part and the results have been encouraging.

"I can see the difference in those who we have trained."

The children explain to the disputants that they are not there to judge but help solve the problem as neutrals who can be trusted to respect confidences.

"They open up the floor for discussion, give each party lots of time and manage the conversation so it is safe for both parties.

"The biggest tasks for the mediator, in this context, is to stop the disputants interrupting each other and shouting over each other. That is what everyone wants to do, you don't want to wait until everyone is finished talking. Even adults are like that."

Child mediators are taught to reassure parties they will have lots of time to get their cases over and then they must sum up those opinions so the disputant knows they have been heard properly.

Having listened to both parties the floor is opened to suggestions about how the issue might be solved and the pair is invited to choose a method they both agree on.

"It works really quite well. You would be amazed to see ten- and 11-year-olds do this."

Counsellors oversee the mediators who are also given regular refresher sessions to hone their skills.

"We teach them role playing — they enjoy that immensely because they love to be the disputants.

"It's been used quite successfully in both senior schools and most of the middle schools," said Mrs. Cooper. "Over the years we have probably trained more than 2,500 young people to be mediators."

Many of those young people are now using their skills in the workplace, she says.

In primary school the issues are over someone taking someone's lunch or wrecking homework. In the middle school rumours are the big problem.

"We see a lot more conflict among girls than we have seen in the past. It is amazing how that has changed in the last ten years in the middle and senior schools.

"At the senior schools the conflicts are much more deeply-rooted and very often gang-related. Town versus country is still a major issue. While they are in the middle school they are either in town or country, at senior school they are all in it together.

"It used to be just a boy thing but now the girls are aligning themselves with boys from one of the areas.

"But girl conflicts are much more related to personality and boyfriend issues."

Mrs. Cooper is upset Government pulled the funding from the schools programme a few years ago.

"We used to get $40,000 a year which helped enormously to buy all the materials. We have had to fund raise to support it but we are not about to stop doing it.

"I find that amazing because it is one of the most effective programmes out there and is well entrenched in the schools."

She says mediators have a boosted self image. "And teachers report a reduced level of conflict overall and an improved climate as a result of peer mediation."