On one side, a perfectly sculpted figure; all chiselled cheeks and meticulously filed hair.

On the other, a less well sculpted ... erm ... sculpture, looking more like Tintin or an early years Jack Nicklaus, when he had as many chins as clubs.

Whatever you think of Ronaldo, he surely deserves a better bust than the one Madeira airport came up with this week.

The Real Madrid man, to his credit, took it all in his gilt-edged stride and was clearly thrilled to now be able to visit his hometown via the Cristiano Ronaldo Airport.

As Cristiano smiled, the bust smirked. While Ronaldo oozed pride, the bust looked surprised, presumably after being told who he was supposed to resemble.

“You mean I’m not 1962 Jack Nicklaus,” he was heard to ask Madeira’s favourite son. “You are me,” an unperturbed CR7 replied. “Just nowhere near as good looking.”

The artist behind the sculpture defended his much-ridiculed effort by saying that “even Jesus did not please everyone”.

Ronaldo, of course, views Jesus as a mere disciple of the Church of Cristiano and, anyway, actually quite liked the bronze monument. After all, Beauty and the Bust will do little to harm the Ronaldo brand.

11am kick offs unless stated

Tomorrow

Liverpool v Everton

8.30am

The “Friendly Derby” where at least 20 players spend 90 minutes kicking each other. Liverpool are without the injured Adam Lallana and have not lost any of the past 13 Merseyside duels. That said, Everton — despite the future exit of Romelu Lukaku — come into the game on the back of two convincing wins. Seamus Coleman is, of course, unavailable after his double leg break.

Prediction: 2-1

Burnley v Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs bid to make it four wins in a row when they travel to Turf Moor, which has been a fortress for the newly promoted Burnley, who can now boast an England centre back in Michael Keane.

The home side are without a win in seven but, with Harry Kane still out, this will be tough for the Londoners.

Prediction: 1-1

Chelsea v Crystal Palace

Unless you are based in South London, Palace’s form may have slipped under the radar. After all, Sam Allardyce doing his job with a modicum of proficiency is not great copy.

Palace have won their past three games and are up to sixteenth. At the Bridge, however, this could be a task too great even without facing the injured Eden Hazard.

Prediction: 2-1

Hull City v West Ham United

The ‘Ammers are struggling with two points from their past 15 and while their away form is better, apparently Hull manager Marco Silva is unbeaten in 38 home matches as a manager.

Prediction: 2-1

Leicester City v Stoke City

Leicester have completed a transformation of Daniel Day Lewis proportions to get back to their title-winning form.

A resurgent Jamie Vardy to put Stoke to the sword.

Prediction: 2-0

Man United v WBA

The United juggernaut appears to be on the move, all be it slowly. Eighteen games unbeaten suggest José Mourinho’s message is sinking in.

WBA, however, are a sterner test than most and if they can keep United out for the first 45 minutes they can earn a draw, especially with Zlatan Ibrahimovic suspended.

Prediction: 1-1

Watford v Sunderland

A must-win for Sunderland, which should ensure they don’t.

Prediction: 1-0

Southampton v Bournemouth

1.30pm

A South Coast mid-table bonanza of goals and attacking prowess is on the cards at St Mary’s. Possibly. Maybe.

Prediction: 2-2

Sunday

Swansea City v Middlesbrough

9.30am

Wins are scarce for both these teams this season, goals even more so for Boro, who have dispensed with manager Aitor Karanka.

Interim boss Steve Agnew has been tasked with steering the side to safety but rousing their squad for this six-pointer is a huge ask.

Prediction: 1-0

Arsenal v Manchester City

Noon

Should he stay or should he go? My money’s on Arsene Wenger staying, despite the protests.

The Gunners were abject in getting beaten by WBA and look ill-equipped attitude-wise to deal with City’s Pep and attacking verve.

Prediction: 1-2