One sleepless night, I made the mistake of picking up my phone and doomscrolling through an hour of baby videos and wedding bloopers. My algorithm knows me well and also led me through some pretty great X Factor auditions and “everyday hero” rescues. I like to call this the “3-4am insanity window” because I shed a decent number of tears for these strangers and then somehow ended up watching cats jumping out of their skins because they were scared of cucumbers.

My god, we end up watching a lot of nonsense on our phones, don’t we? But just as I was about to write off social media for good, a genuinely insightful piece of writing broke through. This one ― an excerpt from The Relaxed Woman by Nicola Jane Hobbs ― stopped me in my tracks.

It read: “I do not want to be a woman who is always busy, always frantic, always racing around trying to do everything and please everyone. I would like to be a relaxed woman, an unhurried woman, a woman who has untangled her self-worth from her productivity, who can rest without guilt and anxiety.

A woman who lives at the pace of her nervous system, who accepts that, no matter how hard she tries, she cannot “do it all” … a woman who trusts in her rhythm of hard work and deep rest, of outer contribution and inner healing, of holding others and letting herself be held. A woman who feels safe to say “no”, safe to ask for help, safe to slow down.”

Huh?

“A woman who has untangled her self-worth from her productivity … A woman who trusts her rhythm of hard work and deep rest.”

These sentences made me take a deep, deep breath. “That’s who I want to be”, I thought. I reposted it immediately and within hours, others were commenting: “Can you let me know how to manage just one of those?”, “I want just 1 per cent of this!”, “tell me how!”… and so it went on.

As my teens grow, I sometimes wonder how they will look back on their childhood. Once little Atticus came along too, I became especially focused on what I would like to do differently this time.

Parenting from the beginning again ― at 48 ― is a wild ride, but it’s also been a gift. I worry less for sure. I have managed to slow down occasionally to really appreciate how little he is and how quickly these baby years will fly by.

But, I also find myself falling into the same traps too: pushing my time-keeping to the absolutely limit, doing just a few more tasks and not getting enough sleep, saying yes-yes-yes to everyone and everything. I’d love that to stop.

Back to those teens. If you asked them how I showed up as a Mom, I think they would tell you this. That I was always there when it mattered. That I was thoughtful and loving. That I dressed them well. That I was good at lunch boxes and great at gifts. That they knew they were loved, deeply. But they might also tell you (and I am assuming here, these are not their words) that I was often late, that I arrived at the school gates out of breath, hair awry like a crazy person.

That I gave them anxiety when we were late for school. That I didn’t do the mornings well. That I was often distracted and sometimes snapped or lapsed judgment and said exactly the things I promised myself I wouldn’t (these are the hardest moments for me to accept, but they are true.)

I don’t say this for sympathy or to encourage a counter, but rather to acknowledge (after reading this excerpt) that in their childhood years, I was ― and often still am ― the busy, frantic, always-racing, people-pleaser. And siting with that, is that really who I want to continue to be?

No. The problem is that in the desperate attempt to “do it all” we often trigger stress in others. Ironically, although we do the work, get the groceries, put on the laundry, cook the dinner, make the appointments, plan the play dates, do the pick-ups (and so it goes on) … we are so wrecked and often so last-minute that others feel the fall-out.

By thinking we have to be this productive to be a good parent, wife, friend or employee, we miss being the things that others need us to be most:

Present. Unhurried. Rested.

How do we do that? Perhaps the answer is in Hobbs’ book. (I ordered it. I’ll let you know.) But I wonder if ― especially as women ― we have to make a collective agreement to do less, together. Because if we all keep trying to do more, we will all keep struggling to keep up. And to remind ourselves, that if doing less means being more real, more anchored, more steady, more considered … then less, is in fact, more.

What do you think?

My insecurity with this is, that I have worked so hard for so long to perform, perform, perform. If I do less, will it look to others like I am underperforming? I guess that depends on the quality of what remains.

The goal being to do less, but to do less “better”. To make what I do so damn outstanding, that no one notices or minds what I don’t do. And (crucially) that I am nice to be around when I do it.

There are flaws in this theory, because if I out-do myself at work but you come over for drinks and my house is absolutely chaotic … what are you going to think? Perhaps you won’t care because I’ll be so happy and relaxed and warm and inviting … Right?

Let’s test this out a little. I’m going to give you an unbelievably simple recipe. But you are going to love it so much that you won’t think about how little time I had to put into this and instead just be blown away by how delicious and healthy it is!

It’s a snack I made on repeat when I was pregnant and now that summer is here, I’ve been craving the crisp and nourishing flavours. Usually, whenever I recommend a snack, I make sure that the carbs are balanced with protein. In this instance, the carbs (the watermelon) is balanced with the avocado — not protein, but good fats that work in a similar way to slow the release of sugar from the carbs.

Now, take a deep breath, relax … and enjoy.

My favourite summertime snack:

Watermelon and avocado with balsamic reduction

Ingredients:

1 cup watermelon, cubed

½ avocado, diced

1 tsp balsamic reduction (available at Miles, I’ll post it to social!)

Sea salt & black pepper

Method:

Pop the watermelon and avocado in a bowl and drizzle with the reduction. Sprinkle with a little salt and pepper.

• The advice given in this article is not intended to replace medical advice, but to complement it. Always consult your GP if you have any health concerns. Catherine Burns BA Hons, Dip ION, BNTA is a fully qualified Nutritional Therapist trained by the Institute for Optimum Nutrition in Britain. Join Catherine on Facebook: www.facebook.com/nutrifitandnaturalnutritionbermuda or instagram @naturalbda