October 9, 2012Dear Sir,Bermuda is bedevilled by service organisations that are a disgrace. The worst, as we all know, is the truly pathetic and grossly unfit for purpose Post Office, whose incompetence is the stuff of legend but that’s a track well worn.In the private sector there’s hot competition for second place. The Bank of Bermuda’s determination to provide insufficient tellers to deal with demand, exacerbated by apparently reducing their number by one for every two new customers who join the line; Bermuda Broadcasting Corporation’s inability to provide a television picture that can be seen or an audio feed that can be heard (on ZBM) or technicians who can produce a merchantable product; the mobile phone companies’ larceny; and the taxi industry’s complete incompetence; all are contenders, among a shameful host of others.I now wish to nominate for the award Bermuda CableVision Ltd. I know, I know, it’s a sitting duck with its disappearing channels, incorrect TV Guide, breaking up pictures, duplicate channels, exorbitant charges and so on; but it’s the broadband service that I want to highlight today.I live on the Paget-Warwick border; I buy CableVision’s top-of the-line product to deliver my internet connection, for which I pay a substantial sum each month. Having worked in IT for a time I understand that broadband is a pipeline, and that the more people use it, the poorer the individual service is to each. This condition manifests itself usually as slow response times to internet polling. I might not like it but I can live with this unless it becomes outrageous.No, my problem is that, for the last three months or so, my internet connection has dropped out several times a day, and I have to reset and reconnect my modem and log back on. This becomes infuriating very quickly, but no real problem, call the company and they’ll help you troubleshoot and fix the problem. Yeah, right! Have you ever tried to call CableVision? It’s always been difficult but it recent times it’s become a modern day version of hell. First you’re welcomed (currently) by a message that the staff is going to have a holiday soon, and being of a genial nature you’re pleased for them. Then you get a menu requiring you to pick your preferred service department; then a message saying that all providers are busy, leave a message; then a message saying that the mailbox is full so you can’t leave a message (essentially — go jump in the harbour); then a message informing that the staff is going to have a holiday soon; and back again through the loop, endlessly. There’s no way of breaking the cycle to talk to a person. You’re trapped, doomed. The strong-willed can force themselves to put down the phone and race to the bar or medicine cabinet for the tranquilliser of their choice, but who knows how many decayed corpses are yet to be found, slumped over, receiver clamped in skeletal claw, being eternally informed that the CableVision staff is going to have a holiday soon.So that is why you’re the last resort, Mr Editor. Today the internet won’t talk to me. Apparently I’m branded as not authentic (whatever that means) on those occasions when a server at the other end deigns to respond. It’s teased me by letting me pop in to get e-mail on a couple of occasions, but I’ve only been in its good graces for a few seconds before it snubs me again. CableVision doesn’t answer the phone; I can’t send them a letter because I need to do things before February, or March, if CableVision were to respond by mail (see second paragraph). Can you help me? Do you have a telegraph system you could use to get a message through to them? Carrier pigeon? Smoke signals? Could you send a runner? Do you have a siren you could sound, as in the old days, to get their attention?As a measure of how we’re being financially gouged and digitally maltreated (not just by CableVision it is fair to add), I happen to visit another country for a period each year, and stay in a place a thousand times more remote than western Paget. Internet service is delivered at several times the speed of that in Bermuda, over the phone line, and performs to speed specification 95 percent of the time for one-fifth of the price I pay here. If anything goes wrong there’s support 24/7/52 and the helpline response time (the literature claims, although I’ve never had to use it) is a maximum of one minute.By the way, let me know if you get a response will you?ABANDONED AND ADRIFTPaget