Mr. Denton Outerbridge, a real estate agent at John W. Swan Limited, is a member of the National Drug Commission, a member of the Treatment Committee and the chairman of the Sports Against Drugs Committee. He is also a former cocaine addict. Clean for six years, Mr. Outerbridge used crack/cocaine from 1979 to 1989. He used it behind closed doors and kept his secret safe from friends and family. He said cocaine was something he loved to do because it eased the pressures at work. "It gave me the freedom to do my own thing -- I felt I didn't have to answer to any one. It gave me pleasure and happiness.'' He equated the feeling of being on cocaine to being in love. Everything was under control and he was happy. But things started to change. "I wanted to stop, but I couldn't,'' he said. "And I never really thought I was addicted.

I didn't even understand anything about addiction.'' But his attitude toward life changed -- he didn't even want to work. And in fact, he quit working for two years. "I was scared and it was very painful. I began to see my life slip away from me and with that went my values, my confidence and even my ability to function as a human being. "I couldn't love anybody because I couldn't feel anything -- I had no emotions. The drug took over my life.'' Mr.

Outerbridge was using cocaine every day, every hour. He was in a serious state of denial and refused to admit he had a problem. He started to look emaciated and sickly. He spent tens of thousands of dollars on drugs and went through his whole life savings. He needed help. "I got married around the same time I started doing lots of cocaine,'' he said. "I figured that would change my life. But I kept my drug habit under cover, I lied to my wife, I stole from my wife. "I thought I was doing coke because I liked the high. But what I was really doing was denying years of pain. And instead of working to live, I worked to support my habit,'' he said. Mr. Outerbridge put an end to his drug use when one night he started to get serious pains in his head. "I felt like my head was going to split open. I tried to be sick, but I couldn't. I felt my heart pounding and I knew something was wrong. I knew I was going to die.'' That was when Mr. Outerbridge went downstairs, grabbed all of his drugs and flushed them down the toilet. "I got down on my knees and prayed for one more chance to live. I said I would never use drugs again if only I could live.'' Later that night, Mr. Outerbridge woke up his wife and told her all about his Treatment centre offers spiritual awakening and new way of life company about the drugs, who in turn, told the president. "The company was extremely supportive of me,'' said Mr. Outerbridge. Next he set up an appointment with a therapist and talked about things he had never told any one before. He later went to a drug treatment centre in Pennsylvania, where he was introduced to the 12-step programme. "It was a spiritual awakening and a new way of life for me,'' said Mr. Outerbridge. "I was taught how to get in touch with my feelings. And I had to admit the natures of my wrongs.'' When Mr.

Outerbridge came home, he went to 90 meetings in 90 days, which was a part of the 12-step programme. "Then my life just started to get better,'' he said.

"Every morning I get up and say a prayer. I ask God to give me the strength to stay clean. "Then I do my meditation. If things get bad during the day, I pray or call my sponsor for support. "Also I often speak to the president of my company and call my good friends for support. "But my life today has changed. I'm happy about my life and being clean today is better than the best hit I ever had of a drug,'' he said. "It's not easy and each day is a struggle. But I have found direction in my life and I have the tools with which to recover. "I acknowledge there is a God, I have faith and I have compassion for people today. I'm trying to hold out my hand to others,'' he said, adding that he is committed to the drug problem in Bermuda. "The one sorrow I have today is that I used drugs. People may think they are in control. "But eventually the drug will overtake them. Three things will happen to those who use drugs -- they will go to jail, mental institutions or they will die,'' he said. Denton Outerbridge was lucky. PHOTO FORMER COCAINE ADDICT -- Member of the NDC and chairman of the Sports Against Drugs Committee, Mr. Denton Outerbridge struggles to stay clean every day.