Dating is a tricky area whether you are a lovestruck teen or a twice-divorced mother-of-three who finds herself suddenly needing to study the personal ads.

Of course, some intended romantic escapades never even get as far as the innocent "lunch and lying to each other" stage.

Reporter Ruth O'Kelly-Lynch told of her pal, a bank employee, who attended a cocktail party with a friend who assured her that she had the ideal man for her.

"The friend waxed lyrical about how perfect the man was for her. He was in his young twenties, gorgeous, popular, had a job and was great fun to hang out with.

"She waited with anticipation to be introduce to 'Mr. Right'. Soon after arriving at the party her friend brought him over.

"She was less than delighted as the young man turned out to be her brother."

The unlucky woman did better than one man who told The Royal Gazette he had unknowingly dated his cousin. Luckily she dumped him before the pair committed an illegal act and forever cast the family into utter shame.

First dates are the next hurdle. Bermudian reporter Ren? Hill was hungry for love but ended up with a date who was just plain hungry when she hooked up with a Scotsman while living in London a few years ago.

After some cautious email flirting her suitor arrived after a lengthy train ride from his homeland.

"We met at Euston Station, under the watchful eye of my girlfriends. He seemed a nice sort and we had a coffee in the station.

"Then we decided to find somewhere to have dinner and of all the culinary haunts in London, he chose the Angus Steak House, near Piccadilly.

"Everything seemed to be going well, conversation was flowing, as was the wine, we ordered, the starters came and then things changed. My very gentlemanly date, suddenly became a human vacuum.

"As if through a very large straw, he sucked up his soup, it went so fast, I had to wonder whether it had ever been there.

Then came the main course. "He had ordered a rack of lamb and devoured the entire lot, I had never seen lamb disappear quite like that before. He couldn't have tasted it, I thought.

"My mother was always into dining etiquette, so it goes without saying that in a leisurely way, I cut, chewed, ingested, sipped a little wine, and then chatted a little but instead of ogling me he ogled my steak.

"He looked up at my eyes and back down at my steak. It was as if inquiring: 'Aren't you going to eat that?' And when he looked down at the steak, he actually said: 'That's a nice piece of meat!'

"It continued until I finally got the message and decided to give him a chunk. But before it had hit his plate, he stabbed it with his fork and had gulped it down.

"One would have thought that with his recent victory, he would at least exercise some manners, but no, after that I had to endure his stares again."

Keen to change the subject Ms Hill told her date about the plans for the weekend which included a succession of parties. "Great," replied the ravenous Scotsman. "I won't have to buy any food!"

She is not the only one to have been turned off by table manners. Deborah (not her real name), 36, who is now happily married, recalls the horrific dating years.

"A guy at university asked me out and I was all excited. I picked him up in my car (because he didn't have one) and we drove out to this romantic old barn that had been converted into a beautiful rustic restaurant.

"I ordered some red wine. He didn't know much about wines I ordered. Then when it came, he said to the waiter: 'Can we have one of those silver standing buckets with ice like that table?' as he pointed to a couple nearby who were drinking white wine. I just grimaced and said: 'Red wine is served at room temperature.'

"After a three-course dinner, the bill came and he wanted to split it and then realised he had forgotten his wallet. So I paid for the entire dinner and he asked me out!"

Male etiquette leaves a lot to be desired according to Mary (not her real name), divorced, in her forties, who told of how she met a nice Policeman on a Friday night out with friends but things then turned rather formal.

"Before I went home, I gave him my number. He finally calls on Wednesday and we arrange a nice lunch together that Friday. I meet him and he proceeds to inform me of 'the rules'.

"For example you have to be dating at least six weeks before he goes out with you on a Friday. I guess Fridays' are normally kept for more skirt chasing and hanging with the lads! He said he wouldn't be calling too frequently as that would appear as if he was too interested and I wouldn't be meeting any of his friends just in case this didn't work out.

"And so it went on ? he actually listed these things!

"I guess what was most sad was that we were not in our teens or twenties but rather late thirties, early forties, and this garbage still goes on!!"

Other aborted date stories include the man who took a girl to the movies, went for popcorn and never returned and the woman who ordered her date out of the car and left him to trudge back to Hamilton and digest the wisdom on continually referring to women as "bitches" and "hoes" during their long journey from Dockyard.

The movie Shakespeare in Love brings back decidedly unlovely memories for Candy (not her real name), a marketing rep in her late twenties.

When she came out of the theatre, in London, a film crew was getting audience reaction. "They asked my date if he was in love with me. He said rather too bluntly 'no' without any further explanation. It was aired on London evening news! I didn't see him again."

Bermudian Sarah Titterton, now studying in London, is coy about her own disasters but has friends who have endured unforgettable dates ? for all the wrong reasons.

"One friend, a biology student, went out with a guy who informed her he didn't believe in evolution. They ended up having a huge argument about it in the restaurant and got asked to leave.

"Then there was the time a friend was out on a second date with a guy she really liked, was driving him to the restaurant, and proceeded to run over a gentleman on a bike as she was backing out of a parking lot.

"Talk about embarrassing. Police had to come, there was an ambulance and crowd gathering."

Some promising first dates lead to others but disaster still looms.

One English journalist told of how he continually lost out to his colleague who sits just one desk away.

"I met a beautiful South African girl through a friend of a friend and immediately invited her out to dinner.

"We had two lovely and very grown-up dates, we talked, we laughed and generally enjoyed each other's company.

"Despite the spark, nothing more than a kiss goodbye on the cheek transpired.

"We agreed to go out again, although no firm plans were made.

"The next thing I hear, an arrogant younger work colleague ? who knew nothing of my attempted trysts with this girl ? ends up drunkenly in her arms one night.

"It was the third time in three months that this colleague ? admittedly more charming and better looking, although far more misogynistic and also slightly balding ? had ended up drunkenly cavorting with a woman I had been courting in a civilised and sophisticated way.

"I think that says a lot about women in Bermuda."

Despite the odds some dates do come off. Steve, a 35-year-old insurance underwriter is not the largest of men but somehow got hooked up with a much taller Trinidadian nurse back in his home capital of London. "I had described myself as five foot six inches tall which was a little generous. When we met she was actually about five foot nine and the height difference seemed massive. We actually got on quite well. Later on we were back at her place and I didn't have all the necessary accessories so had to go out.

"This was in the middle of Whitechapel which makes Court Street look like a Sandals holiday village. Not knowing where the nearest chemist was I decided to walk into a bar and look for a machine in their cloakrooms (there wasn't a machine). The landlord thought I'd just gone into use his toilet and went berserk ? I couldn't shout across the busy pub my true reasons for being there. I then got back and realised I didn't know the number of her apartment, there was rows and rows of nursing accommodations that all looked the same. I ended up going into different rows and shouting out her name and eventually got lucky and was summoned in by an embarrassed Marcia. All I remember from that moment is being thrown around like a rag doll."

He had a friend with a similar problem with directions who had gone back with a lover to a caravan park which was miles away from where they were staying. "There were apparently several hundred caravans that all look the same. He did a similar thing, went out for cigarettes, having been on a promise but when he came back he couldn't remember which caravan it was, had little money on him and ended up having to stay out in the rain. The rest of his mates had stayed with the girls and found him bedraggled the next day ? it turned out he was sat virtually outside where they were. Not a happy camper."

Even if everything goes well there is always the morning after. Reporter Stuart Roberts told of a college friend who ended up in a student digs she had never been in before, groping around in the dark looking for some toothpaste to get rid of her date's morning breath.

In a hurry she grabbed what she thought was a tube of toothpaste by the sink, squeezed a good portion on her finger and stuffed it into her date's mouth before he could say a word.

But soon he was choking, spluttering and writhing in agony before rushing to the sink to gulp down water. At that point she realised she had administered not Aquafresh but Deep Heat.

Even when a couple know each other there can be problems.

Royal Gazette reporter Elizabeth Roberts had been seeing a guy back home in England for a few months who suddenly decided to make an out-of-character effort on the 'big romantic gestures' front.

"He decided to surprise me with a moonlit picnic at one of the local beauty spots. This would have been great had his night vision and sense of smell not been as dodgy as his sense of romance.

"Under a beautiful starry sky he proudly unveiled his hamper of sandwiches and Champagne. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the field he'd picked was chock-full of cowpats!

"He seemed to be blissfully oblivious to this ? being rather more focused on the potential 'reward' for his gesture than the picnic itself.

"Sadly for him, my personal concerns about the likely manure-related outcome of any moonlit rolling in the hay somewhat ruined the moment for me."

Her friends are equally unlucky in lust. A journalist friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "I'd had a few dates with this guy I was seeing and we decided to have a romantic night at a hotel. So we went for dinner.

"But I think I must have had one too many glasses of wine and felt really groggy when I woke up in the night to go to the bathroom.

"I stumbled out of bed and through what I thought was the bathroom door only to find myself locked out the room, completely naked in the corridor.

"I hammered on the door but there was no answer.

"Properly panicking now I hovered outside desperately trying to think of a plan when another (male) guest walked past and did a double take at me. I explained my problem and he very kindly took me to his room and gave me a dressing gown to wear.

"I then shot down to reception who between giggles, phoned back to my date's room so he could let me in.

"Needless to say I was so embarrassed by the whole situation I never saw the guy again."