Last weekend, my husband and I were having lunch with friends when the topic of inheritance came up. What struck me is that I have had this same conversation with many friends before, and a very apparent theme keeps emerging: families either fail to abide by the wishes of the deceased, or a family member influences the dying to make fundamental changes to their estate before death, which leaves the living wondering what happened and why, without ever getting an answer.

In my family, we were always told from a young age that when Grandpa dies, we are all going to be taken care of. In reality, it is a pretty big statement to repeat to your children over and over.

When my grandfather passed away 12 years ago, there was radio silence about his estate from my father and uncle, which led to a lot of confusion and side conversations with my siblings and cousins about Grandpa’s wishes.

Now, to be completely honest, I truly believe that if I had never said anything to my father, he would have gone on happily splitting everything 50/50 with my uncle, and that would have been the end of it.

But I did speak up. I reminded him of those words: “being taken care of”. In the end, my father and uncle made it right, and we are all grateful for that, and you might call me a gold digger for doing what I did, but here’s how I see it: don’t make a promise over and over, if you have no intention of honouring it.

Looking back at this situation, it makes you wonder how many other people does this happen to, especially the ones who feel too uncomfortable to have that difficult conversation?

Let’s face it, the topic of inheritance is a tricky one. Some people feel they are owed it, while others feel they have earned it. But the key question worth exploring is this: what are the inherent risks when you actually plan for an inheritance?

Different cultures have different mindsets when it comes to leaving a legacy for future generations. In the Far East and the Middle East, for example, cultural values strive to ensure that each generation becomes more prosperous than the last.

Both regions focus on prosperity for the entire family, including extended relatives. Joy comes from knowing they have contributed to the success of their family.

However, this family-focused prosperity often comes with significant responsibilities, including taking care of elders both financially and physically during their later years.

On the other hand, the western mindset towards leaving an inheritance is shifting. Today, being more financially involved in their children's or grandchildren's lives is far more valuable for many grandparents than focusing all their efforts on leaving a legacy for the next generation.

It is essential to consider the social, emotional, and psychological aspects of expecting an inheritance, as well as the practical realities that accompany wealth distribution within families.

Many people make major life decisions based on the belief that an inheritance is forthcoming. They might plan a significant purchase, such as a family home, around that expectation.

The reality, however, is that inheritances can be highly unpredictable. Changes in family circumstances, such as health issues, divorce, or shifts in the benefactor's financial situation, can directly affect the size of the inheritance.

Family dynamics are also fluid, and a family member who once intended to leave their estate to a specific individual may change their mind, either consciously or unconsciously, leaving potential heirs surprised and disillusioned.

Furthermore, the value of an estate may be significantly diminished by stamp duty, debts, and administrative fees, and many heirs are shocked to learn that what they expected to inherit has been drastically reduced due to these obligations.

Expecting an inheritance can also create deep tension and strain relationships within families. The anticipation of receiving wealth often breeds jealousy, resentment, and competition among siblings and relatives.

If you have ever watched the HBO show Succession or the Netflix show about the Murdochs, you will recognise them as classic examples of wealthy families and the internal bickering between siblings over the family's legacy.

Both shows clearly highlight the very real consequences of broken promises and how a transfer of wealth can tear a family apart. The race to earn a significant share of an estate can lead to fractured relationships, with siblings competing for a parent's attention only to face a painful fallout if the inheritance does not materialise as they anticipated.

When the time comes to deal with a loved one's passing, adding financial stress to an already heavy emotional load can further complicate the grieving process, causing individuals to focus on money rather than honouring their loved one's memory.

In addition, discussions about inheritances can expose underlying family issues or long-held secrets, sometimes revealing old resentments or creating entirely new fractures.

Another major risk is the sense of dependency that expecting an inheritance can create. Relying on a future windfall can deter individuals from pursuing careers or personal passions because they feel a financial safety net is already in place.

At the same time, a belief that an inheritance will cover future expenses may lead people to neglect responsibility for their own finances, resulting in mounting debt, inadequate savings for emergencies, and poor retirement planning.

Legal complications also pose a serious threat. The inheritance process can be lengthy and frustrating, particularly if disputes arise between heirs. Probate can last for years, prolonging financial uncertainty for those dependent on the inheritance.

If challenges to a will emerge, perhaps based on claims that the testator lacked mental capacity or was unduly influenced, lengthy court battles can follow. Furthermore, if the benefactor did not engage in proper estate planning, this can lead to unintended beneficiaries or distributions, sparking further conflict among heirs.

On the other hand, I am also a firm believer that if you are willing to accept an inheritance, then you should also be willing to leave one. Financial prosperity should never be one-sided.

Yet from what I have read, when it does become one-sided, it can get pretty lonely in those last few years, let’s face it, resentment can have a pretty strong hold on people.

At the end of the day, while the prospect of receiving an inheritance may seem appealing, the risks associated with expecting one are considerable.

Financial uncertainty, emotional turmoil, feelings of dependency, legal complications, and dealing with difficult family dynamics are all dangers when someone expects, or feels they are owed, an inheritance.

Therefore, navigating these risks wisely and focusing on building genuine financial independence, rather than relying on uncertainty, is absolutely key.

Talking openly about family finances with loved ones can help highlight possible outcomes and reduce tensions.

Proper estate planning and addressing potential heirs' expectations early on can go a long way towards preserving family harmony during difficult times.

• Carla Seely is the chief operating officer at Freisenbruch Insurance Services Limited and has 26 years of experience in international financial services, wealth management, and insurance. During her career, she has obtained several investment licences through the Canadian Securities Institute. She holds the ACSI qualification through the Chartered Institute for Securities and Investments (UK), the Qualified Associate Financial Planner (QAFP) designation through FP Canada, and the Associate in Insurance (AINS) designation through The Institutes. She also completed a Master's Degree in Business and Management through the University of Essex

• For further inquiries or suggested topics, e-mail: justaskcarla@outlook.com