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The joy of fatherhood

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Peter Jovetic and son Alexander, 19.
I went into a music store in Boston with my father, Terrence Moniz, writes Jessie Moniz. He loves music and taught himself to play the guitar. Many nights I went to sleep as a child listening to him strum the same chords over and over again. This particular music store was manned by a teenage boy with a lot of tattoos and rings coming out of all the major fleshy bits we could see. “Do you have any Woody Guthrie?” my father asked. The boy looked at him with more than a little blankness. My father sighed. I went and hid behind a rack because that was 'the sigh'. Here came this boy's education in music. Fathers — you have to love them. The good ones make us feel safe, loved and more educated about obscure music than we ever really wanted to be. This week The Royal Gazette spoke to a couple of special fathers about their feelings on fatherhood. All agreed that fatherhood far surpassed their expectations. We also asked them what they wanted for Father's Day. Nobody said a tie.

When father-of-two Lawrence Fox first heard he was going to be a father he felt absolute elation.“I was overwhelmed with joy, and thanked God for the opportunity to shape the mind of one of the greatest gifts a parent could ever receive,” he said. “I embraced my wife Lisa and thought to myself, ‘I am so ready for this!'“I also remember reminding myself not to drop the baby the first time I got to hold it.”Mr and Mrs Fox have a son Lawrence (Scotty) Jr, 14, and a daughter, Rachel, 16.“Fatherhood has exceeded and risen above and beyond what I expected,” he said. “It has bought a tremendous amount of happiness to my life with laughter and at times with tears of joy.“Both my children, Rachel and Scotty, continue to impress me each day. I cannot imagine my life without them.”He said it has been a challenge to continually reinforce certain principles into his children's lives, but he thought that was just part of parenting.“As they grow there have been times that they have tried to make their own decision, and at times the result they wanted was not what they expected,” he said. “I would simply go back to what I taught them and let them know that you are free to make your own decisions at times as this is a part of growing up.“But if you do not use what I have taught you and at least go to your source, which is God, the results may at times not be the favourable ones.“I know that they will be faced with things like peer pressure and it will always be a constant battle for them to make the right decision at the right time, but again, I teach them to apply what has been taught, and they will succeed.”He said he has loved being a father and watching his two “angels” grow and mature into beautiful young people.He said he was thrilled with the knowledge that “it is my responsibility to provide for them and teach them certain values that will impact their lives, for the rest of their life”.The Foxes love to play card games together at the end of the day. They also like to read together, travel and fish.“It has become somewhat of a tradition that we play a card game of crazy eights just before bedtime,” he said. “And believe me the winner of the game lets the other two know with gloating and fist pumping that they are the best on that night.“Sometimes we would go on for five to ten minutes bragging about our victory, so much that we will here mama's voice, ‘OK, time for bed!'The next day the first-place winner can quickly become the last-place finisher.“That is why the bragging rights are so important on the night for the first-place winner. And I also cannot forget our dance competitions. My daughter Rachel would disagree but I feel I am the best dancer in the family.”His advice to new fathers was “cherish every moment” and be prepared to be a “father”.This Father's Day, Mr Fox will be cooking and grilling for 100 or more people at his son's class graduation barbecue.“So for me, that is special,” he said.Chef Peter Jovetic runs Food4Thought Catering. He said he loves nothing more than getting into the kitchen with his 19-year-old son, Alex who lives in the United Kingdom.Mr Jovetic's wife Gina Swainson is a former Miss World and runner up to Miss Universe.“I was surprised and ecstatic when I learned I was going to be a father,” said Mr Jovetic. “I feel it's the greatest honour that God can bestow upon you.“No, fatherhood wasn't what I expected, as Alex was born with cerebral palsy. So there were many problems to deal with. I don't think I slept through the night for four-and-a-half years, hence the grey hair.”Alex is currently away at school. Mr Jovetic said he has tried to teach his son that love and respect will conquer, but to take no nonsense.“Expect the unexpected and assume that your life is no longer your own,” said Mr Jovetic. “The best thing is watching him reach milestones that I thought he would never reach.“Also, what is rewarding is the love you get back especially after I have made his favourite flavour of ice cream.“The worst is that he lives in the United Kingdom and I don't get to see him as much as I would like. That really hurts.”He said his son shares his talent for cooking. They are also both movie lovers and enjoy going to the movie theatre together. “For Father's Day, I think a nice lunch somewhere with fine wine would be in order,” said Mr Jovetic.If there is anything sweeter than a new baby, it is probably a new father's hand shaking as he change's baby's diapers for the first time.Steven M Faries and wife, Jamila, recently became new parents to baby Brielle. When we spoke to Mr Faries, he hadn't even left the hospital yet.“So far it is very exciting to be a new father,” said Mr Faries. “I was a little nervous at first with a new baby. I am looking forward to seeing what more of fatherhood is like.“So far, I have changed a diaper twice. I was the first person to change her diaper because Jamila had a caesarean section.”Baby Brielle weighed 9lb 5oz.“This is the third day and I don't feel left out yet,” said Mr Faries. “I had a really deep connection with the baby because I was with the baby for three hours after the surgery.“I was able to hold her. I bathed her. She was such a big baby and her temperature was regular, so I did all that in the first three hours. I was letting her know: ‘I am your father and I am here to take care of you'. It is true what they say, the child can really hear who is around them while they are in the womb. She obviously recognised my voice.”Mr Faries said he had every intention of being a hands-on dad. “I don't think I am going to sit back and watch,” said Mr Faries. “I want to be the best role model that I can be and support her.”Joe Furbert has no problem introducing his four children to wildlife on a regular basis as he is education officer at the Bermuda Aquarium Museum and Zoo.He and his wife Rusheika have Micaiah, seven, Eli, five, Eden, four, and Marcus 11 months.“The first time I heard I was going to be a father I was very excited, very thankful and very nervous,” said Mr Furbert. “To be honest I didn't really know what to expect.“You can read a lot of books and watch other families, which is helpful, but I determined early on to trust God to teach me to raise my family.”He said the biggest challenge was learning to cope with having two children. By the time baby three and four came along, he was a pro at caring for more than one child.“I do try to give them their own special time based on their individual interests,” said Mr Furbert. “It's not always easy but I try my best. We enjoy playing board games, sports, hiking, watching movies and fishing to name a few things.“I try to spend as much time outdoors with my family as I can and I do teach them about the environment on a regular basis. I think the best thing about being a father is the awesome opportunity that God has given me to raise children who know Him and love Him.“As they grow in this knowledge they will then be able to impact the community is a very special way.”Mr Furbert said the best gift to get for Father's Day was lots of hugs and kisses.“I'll be spending Father's Day quietly with my family,” he said.Fatherhood doesn't stop at adulthood, was the word from father of five, Gerry Collins.Mr Collin's children are Sara, 35, Matthew, 31, Rebecca, 30, Hannah, 23, and Deborah, 21. He and his wife, Michelle, also have a posse of grandchildren.“I suppose the biggest challenge of fatherhood at this stage is to not be a hypocrite,” said Mr Collins. “Kids always see right through that, and even when you're going through your own struggles, sometimes ‘being human' in front of them makes them think you're not what you claim to be.“But honest communication is a must, and you can't be afraid to admit when you've failed and ask for forgiveness.“I believe that is what has made my relationship with my grown children what it is. I've had to apologise for a lot of mistakes. And they know how much I love them.”Mr Collins said fatherhood hadn't always been easy, and he hadn't always done the right thing, and yet “by the grace of God” his children turned out to be beautiful and loving people.“They were all raised in a saving faith in Jesus Christ, and yet there have been times that faith has been doubted and rejected, which is something many Christians probably go through at some point in their lives,” he said. “Yet, one by one, they come back to the fold. Not all are there yet, but I've got hope that they will.“In contrast, the rewards cannot be counted. Seeing someone you've taught, loved, cared for and supported grow into a mature, loving, giving, contributing adult is more than a blessing.“Being able to transition your relationship into a loving friendship is too. I am proud of what they've become, in spite of myself, and thankful to God for what he's doing in their lives.”Mr Collins said he loves fishing and boating with his children, but unfortunately, he is now disabled which poses some challenges.“My son lives away,” he said. “When all my children are here on the Island, we love to get together as often as possible. My two grandsons and their dad are great fishing companions.“Being disabled, I can't easily go out on a boat, but we love to pick a dock and try our hand with the rod and reel. We also love to go out to Sunday brunch after church, and try to be a part of their everyday lives.”He said he is always ready for baby and child sitting, rushing off to the emergency room or going shopping, whatever the day presents.“The best Father's Day gift for me would be to see my prodigals return to their faith in Jesus Christ,” he said. “Next, would be for my son and his family to be able to come home for a visit. I love my children more than my own life, and want for them each to be happy, healthy and in love with the Saviour.”

Lawrence Fox Sr with his two children, Rachael, 16 and Lawrence (Scotty) Jr, 14.
Joe Furbert with wife, Rusheika, and their children from left: Eli five, Marcus 11 months, Micaiah, seven, and Eden, four.
Steven Faries with his daughter, Brielle