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Keen to see more of my married, older woman

Dear Dr Nekia,

You have talked a few times about adultery in your column. I think it is a problem in Bermuda.

I feel like a hypocrite because I would not want a woman to cheat on me and yet I am in love with a married woman.

She is older than me. I like older women. She makes me feel special and she teaches me things that girls my age cannot. It is not just physical, but I notice that the more I want to see her is the more she makes excuses. How can I show her how much I care about her?

Sincerely, Young Lover

Dear Young Lover,

I understand the appeal that exists for a young man to be with an older woman.

Older women often find pleasure in teaching young men who are so eager to learn and please them.

Please realise that your relationship with an older woman is mutually beneficial.

This means that you are providing her with a valuable experience just as you are gaining from her.

Understand this so that you do not get caught up in the fantasy of being taught in ways that girls your own age do not do.

To put things in perspective, just as a girl your age cannot provide certain experiences for you that an older woman can, the same goes for you as a young man — you cannot provide girls your own age with experiences that an older man can.

With life comes experiences and learning and there is a certain appeal to learning and growing together, rather than seeking out teacher/student or parent/child relationships with lovers.

In other words, do not count out girls your own age.

As for the marital status and the withdrawing actions of this woman, that should be enough to consciously keep you from growing any form of permanent attachment to her.

She pulls away because she does not want to face, nor be responsible for, your feelings. When it is time for her to leave you behind, she will.

An excuse of you knowing what it was all along will be the voice of satisfaction to her conscience.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Is it really safe to have sex during pregnancy? I am pregnant but I am cautious about having sex because I do not want to harm the baby.

Sincerely, Sex-free Pregnancy

Dear Sex-free Pregnancy,

There are differing opinions surrounding this subject, but most doctors will agree that sex during pregnancy is pretty safe and even beneficial.

First of all, you will want to use common sense. Do not engage in sexual activity if you have a high-risk pregnancy.

Some cultures use certain sexual practices to aid in these conditions, but this is not the time for experimentation, so unless you are already very experienced in using sex for healing purposes, sex during high-risk pregnancy is a no-no. Also, as you pass the first trimester and your womb is beginning to crown (grow above) your pubic bone, you will want to alter your sexual positions so that you do not put any pressure or weight on your abdomen.

A good indication of this crowning stage is when you begin to have a noticeable baby bump. For women who show early or later on in pregnancy, use the guide of trimesters. About week 12 is when you should begin to think of altering sex positions to suit your condition.

No matter what stage of pregnancy you are at, always be gentle. No matter what you have seen or have been told, rough sex is a no-no! Rough sex often leaves microscopic tears in the vaginal wall as well, as it results in trauma to the cervix.

Either of these occurrences can lead to infection that could harm your baby.

Many doctors will caution against anal sex as well, as there is a greater risk of introducing bacteria and viruses to the body through this form of sex.

Your enjoyment of sex and your experience of pregnancy on a whole is what is most important.

Enjoyment lowers your blood pressure, which also lowers the blood pressure of baby, and is key in having a happy and healthy pregnancy and delivery.

Dear Dr Nekia,

Is it true that you can only get pregnant two days out of the month? If so, why take birth control for a whole month?

Sincerely, Pregnancy Curious

Dear Pregnancy Curious,

There is about a 48-hour window of conception each month following ovulation.

However, you must also take into consideration that sperm, especially female sperm, can survive inside the human body for about five days.

This means that even though the window of opportunity is only two days, you will most likely have to add an additional five days to this to be sure that conception will not occur.

If you have a regular cycle and ovulation time, you can calculate quite easily when to avoid conception by refraining from sex. However, most women do not have this knowledge and most are not so fortunate as to have predictable menstrual or ovulation cycles.

For this reason, hormone therapy is used to regulate the woman's cycle to a predictable state where hormone levels are altered and controlled each month to avoid conception no matter when sex occurs.

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Published March 30, 2015 at 9:00 am (Updated March 29, 2015 at 10:49 pm)

Keen to see more of my married, older woman

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