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Life is too short to stay in a dead-end situation

Dear Carla: I have a co-worker who is gross. She leaves half-eaten food on her desk, hardly grooms herself and always looks a hot mess. She often invites me to join her for lunch and while I love her personality I would not be caught dead in public with her. I don't want to hurt her feelings. How do I tell her that she needs to improve her cleanliness? — Grossed Out

Dear Grossed: That's a toughie. People are very sensitive when you try to tell them about their personal hygiene. If you are not a good enough friend I would suggest you leave it alone. If there is someone in the office who appears to share a closer relationship with her I suggest you talk to them and get them to pass the word along.

Dear Carla: I think I want to leave my husband. It seems I have made very bad choices in men but don't realise it until too late. My spouse has it all: anger issues, no education, owes back child support, criminal record. In the past I was very supportive and wanted to “stand by my man”. However as I have progressed in my career and education I see that he has not and is very complacent where he is. I do love him and he does have some good qualities. Is it okay to just change your mind? I know there is so much craziness out here now and I wonder if my lack of leaving is guilty, fear or both or just too complacent myself. In my mind I know I may be better off without him but I am scared to take the first step. Any advice? – Want Out

Dear Want Out: I don't think the answer is that difficult so I'm not going to candy-coat it. LEAVE. Although some may say that you should work out your marriage, you know what is in your heart. Kudos to you for acknowledging your shortcomings … that's a critical first step. Now build on that and find a better life for yourself. Your husband is who he is and you found him that way so it makes no sense trying to change him. However I think you owe it to him to sit down with him and be honest with him about why you feel the way that you do. It would be unfair of you to just up and leave him. He will beg for you to stay with him. Only you can decide if you should but if you've stayed with him as he has been the chances of him changing are slim to none. And if he does it will probably only be for a short while and you will be faced with the same dilemma again.

Life is too short to remain in a dead-end situation. Make peace with it and take whatever measures to ensure that you do not repeat past mistakes. You mentioned that you keep making bad choices in men. Honest self-reflection is the key! Ask yourself why do you keep gravitating towards the same kind of man. What are you lacking? What are you emitting? And when you find that answer do not beat up on yourself. Instead start changing your path … spiritually and emotionally. It works. Trust me. Sky is the limit. Now say good bye to yesterday … a vibrant life awaits you.

Dear Carla: I currently live in the US. I was raised in Bermuda from very young and have always wanted to return. I have not lived in Bermuda since high school and while I know it is expensive, I am unsure of the actual costs of maintaining a household. The concerns I have is the cost of living. I have two small children. What would the average person need to make yearly in order to maintain a nice standard of living. I am in the healthcare profession and not afraid to work. Any input you have would be appreciated. – Relocater.

Dear Relocator: I can only imagine the different figures that will be shouted out when this question is read! I don't think that there is a concrete number that can be put out there because it varies based on your family's needs. Based on the assumption that you have a job lined up, your biggest expense will undoubtedly be housing. Are your children opposite sex and need to be housed separately? Can they share a room? Would a two-bedroom suffice? Can you afford a furnished apartment? How will you get around? Bermuda has a good transportation system (school aged children are free) so getting around should not be that difficult unless you live off a bus line. What do you consider needs versus wants? If you don't need cable then that's one expense you don't have to worry about but if you do, do you need to have to subscribe to all of the channels? Do you have a green thumb because it would be advantageous to start a little garden if you could? Food items are very expensive here and growing your own veggies would be a great family activity to participate in ... while saving money at the same time! I can't suggest what the average person would need to make because there are many people here who survive well off of very little and others who barely can cope financially yet take home a six-figure salary. Welcome back!!

Question for Carla? Contact her at carla@royalgazette.com

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Published July 01, 2013 at 1:00 pm (Updated July 01, 2013 at 1:32 pm)

Life is too short to stay in a dead-end situation

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